$$$

Right now I feel the money crushing me more than ever before.
I got home and figured I had better open that big A4 envelope from Vodafone, It's been sitting for days.
a $1100 phone bill between us.
and we just paid $400.
and we have a friggen wedding coming up for like $19000
and i don't even open the IRD envelopes anymore but you know they are $30,000 or more.
plus coralee's loan of about the same.

I actually feel paralyzed. This kind if worry is not good for anyone. Let alone a young student not even out of school.
How does this even happen.

I'm taking a short holiday. (yes, for another $200). but I need to.
I will come back in three days, having ridden in some streets that are new to me. and hopefully with less of a weight on my shoulders.

In brighter news. Charlie's Berry Refresher cheered me up. And wedding invites are folded.
I have been worried about money before.
But never as much as I am right now.
I am really scared. I really hope that noone jokes about buying houses, or even implies it in the next long while. Do they even know what they are saying at all.

I actually feel as though this debt will kill us. Maybe slowly. But people are dying in this world everyday with this feeling.
I really hope that I don't have to live my entire life this way.
Thinking of alternatives.
Moving to an island?
run away and forget about it?
stay here for 10 more years!?!?
frick

I hope you sleep well, because I can't.