C. Alex de Freitas

Please check out my current blog

2009-06-03T15:57:00.003+12:00

Hello.

This blog is inactive. I leave it here in ruins as a memento of my past :-)

Click HERE to visit my current photoblog.
Coralee and I have a photography website/portfolio HERE
and HERE is alexdefreitas.net. My official phd website/blog/etc

Alex

tester

2008-10-30T13:05:00.001+13:00

this is a test

2008-10-27T16:35:00.000+13:00

I might just have it all wrong. But hear me out. Life is an awe inspiring thing. As each day unfolds I feel as though I am a young child, experiencing something for the very first time. This newness is what keeps me alive. I live to see what tomorrow will bring. Riding my bicycle through the city is unpredictable. The taxi darts across in a u-turn manoeuvre; I swerve, hop up onto the sidewalk and take a different path. Great! I fear routine. I dread waking knowing that I must be here at 0900hrs, walk to here by 1000hrs, and arrive home at 1649hrs. I can’t imagine getting my coffee from the same place at the same time day in, day out. Taking the long way home gives me more pleasure than you could ever possibly imagine. I feel as though I know this city like the back of my hand, yet, there are constantly new places that I can discover and explore. Whittaker Place FTW! I live for this. By foot I am an explorer. Columbus, Cook, Shackleton. How can I not have been here before!? You see, the thing is, how can you possibly be so focussed on one thing? Spend seven days of every week chained to your magnum opus? I think the ‘great work’ is life. You don’t have to know exactly why you are here to know that this is a pretty exciting place to be. Yeah, things seem to have gone a bit sideways. I will give you that. But does that change the fact that tomorrow we don’t have a clue about what’s going to happen. We don’t even have some idea. Doesn’t that excite you? A wise person, not much older than myself once told me that there is life outside of doctoral studies. Haven’t you heard? Faith is a personal thing. Believe in what you believe in because it’s what you believe. Don’t be put off by others. They are inconceivably different to you. I’m convinced that there are very few, if any, that have it all figured out. I know what I believe and it’s not what he told me or she told me. It’s what I know inside me to be true. What’s more, I bet you one hundred that it changes tomorrow. Given all of this, perhaps it’s best we all try get along. Isn’t that the goal? Yeah, aim for the stars, and work towards that almighty aspiration of yours. Just be prepared for it all to change in a moment. Most of all, at least if it were me, that is, I would do my best to smile. How can you possibly resist a smile? I say this for all of us when I ask, what’s with all the hate? I’m just as confused as you are. I’m worried. I’m nervous. I long to see others live well. I just have a feeling deep down inside that we might all be trying a little too hard. It’s all really just a long winded way of saying, slow down, I suppose. Try wandering aimlessly for a while. When was the last time you sat and watched the clouds go by? The clouds could tell us a lot.

Alleycat Tonight

2008-09-26T10:32:00.002+12:00

How perfect is today!?

I couldn't stay inside. That's criminal for sure!

Just a reminder of the Alleycat tonight.

Gathering at 160 Beach Road from like 7pm.

It's deliberately easy, and all in the CBD, so all can get involved.

Some PRIZES courtesy of T. White's Bikes and Charge Bikes.

After we race the plan is to hang out, have some beer, do some tricks.

Some of the akfixed crew have sorted out lights and music and beers etc.

See you there!

(might roll with Critical Mass before - 530pm Albert Park)

Alex

Back to the blog

2008-09-19T11:57:00.002+12:00

Back to the blog we go.

How is it that so much time passes inbetween visits?

'tis not good for people who check here and see no new posts in three months.

Anyways.... much has been happening as you would imagine.

Here's a cool image of me and the well known icon of my city glowing blue in the background:

PhD work comes along slowly.

Noone is really telling me what to do. So, I have weeks of no tangible progress at all....then some days where I will write something and be satisfied. For the most part it's a feeling of total and utter lostness in the emptness of academia. What the heck am I doing? Why is noone helping me? Do they even care? What after this? haha.

But I do love it. Despite my confusions I've always remained confident that I can do this. I will do this!

When I'm not sitting here in my office scanning the web, I'm out riding. Have been putting quite a bit of effort into nurturing something resembling a community of kids riding fixed gear bicycles in our fair city. You can find the website at www.akfixed.com. Most of the action goes down in the forums if you care to click the link and check it out.

It's snow season still. I've got a mammoth sore throat...but we're off for the weekend again.

Life is good, I s'pose.

Til next time

New Lynn Hotel

2008-07-04T10:48:00.010+12:00

It's also a sad day.
Sad because I just read that the New Lynn Hotel will be taken to with a wrecking ball today.
This building is one of my favourite in the entire city.
My mind wanders when I pass it by and I imagine the weary travellers that must sheltered inside over a hundred years ago (built in 1881!).

I tried to find some images of it to post and came across these beautiful ones taken by Henk Stolk here on Redbubble.
Aren't they great!

Anyway. I am really disappointed that I couldn't visit one more time before it was too late.
A reminder I suppose, to make sure you do all the things that you just gotta do today aye!

Wellington (one)

2008-07-03T16:07:00.001+12:00

Wellington.
I'm actually positive I wrote something here last night, but it seems to not exist. So perhaps I didn't. Or perhaps I was dreaming.

Anyway. Today is a great day, for a number of reasons really. Because I say that it is for a number of reasons, I shall number them for you.

1) I woke up to a pre-prepared Bircher Muesli that I soaked overnight in yoghurt and milk. It was delicious (although it turned into WAY too much after absorbing all that milk!)

2) Coralee called me and she was happy happy happy. It is the last day of term, but just hearing her happy made me happy. I really am emotionally connected to that girl!

3) Truck Protest. The trucks are protesting all over the country today in opposition to a rise in road user charges on really short notice - and fair enough too. We need trucks, but we could do without cars.

I skipped the early conference session to play in the wellington streets with kilometers of trucks all single file blasting their airhorns. It made me happy. This was one of the most passionate protests I've ever attended. Not even kidding. Recently, enviro type protests have increasingly frustrated me. So much angst and stuff. These truck drivers were genuinely concerned about their livlihoods - I could see in in their eyes.

I took some sweet video. I will compile it soon into an amateur home-video of my Wellington experience.

Highlights so far (it's only 10am):

Riding along watching trucks clogging the whole city and some suited man in a car pulling the fingers at me for taking up a lane. I caught up to him and asked "Sorry sir, was I holding you up" (the rest of the city was gridlock!).

Being on my bike in this strange territory - not knowing my way around - climbing hills only to find out I must go back down because I've gone totally the wrong way.

And finally, this smile that I can't shake from my face. It's here, and I'm glad.

Thanks for everything.
Alex

Beautiful

2008-07-03T16:02:00.000+12:00

I know beautiful is not an adjective that most people might use to describe this video. But for me, it's all that comes to mind.

[City planners] need to take the people in the city seriously...shift from taking cars [more] seriously.

'Pedestrian priority streets' allow pedestrians, bicycles and cars all equal access, however, of course, the pedestrian and the bicycle always top the heirarchy - big trucks are at the bottom.

"It’s worth using money investing in bicycle systems"

"You just need to take a few little steps every year for forty years …look how fantastic it is now"

2008-06-28T21:46:00.002+12:00

Hello. Today was a great day. It's Saturday, but that's not all. It's raining and I was just so stoked to be privileged enough to be cocooned up in our warm dry car as we drove west. Picked up a battery that's gonna help my laptop last a few hours at conferences from a man's house on an amazing hill out past Titirangi. The driveway was long and winding and the house was perched atop a hill with 200degrees of sea views. Manukau Harbour, the big Dam i forget its name. Beautiful. To top it off we had the most amazing lunch at a cafe in Titirangi. The hardware cafe I believe it was called. Everything looked awesome! I had a pumpkin salad and AMAZING cous cous and raisins and sundried tomatoes and stuff. Far out. So yum. I will definately return. Speaking of which. I'm in Wellington next week so I can try the sweet vege breakfast at Plum on Cuba Mall that I enjoyed with mom so much last year.

Anyways, lots to say but I won't. To the images.
One for yesterday:

27 June 2008

Mom waits for coffee. My keys sprawled across the table as they are quite often more than twice a day as I pause for coffee and catchups (its hard to sit with them in my back pocket)

28 June 2008

Dam. Sun. Just a great day.

Eskimo

2008-06-27T01:26:00.003+12:00

26 June 2008another mundane everyday sight

and some night-time bicycle action.

2008-06-25T21:47:00.003+12:00

25 June 2008
I promise that the images will get more interesting. We're just starting with the mundane. My everyday views. Images so ingrained in my mind that they will never be able to disappear.

2008-06-24T17:16:00.002+12:00

24 June 2008

Three Hundred and Sixty-Five Black and White Images

2008-06-23T21:28:00.005+12:00

Hi team. Welcome back. It certainly has been some time.
In our absence I have been thinking (obviously) a lot about stuff. I keep having the moments when I just absolutely need to share with someone, but alas, no-one is around to hear my thoughts. I'm married now. That's a change I suppose. PhD too. But as much time as I get to spend with my beautiful wife I still seem to miss so many of these moments. Sometimes I can't even speak as fast as the thoughts are entering my head - ask Coralee. I just have to give up mid-sentance and take a step back.

That's where this place comes in. I can share some more stuff that would otherwise be left unsaid. Not all of it. Not even close. But at least some, right?

It's not just words either. It's images.
I spend my days wandering cities.
I love the city
Its people
Its emptyness
Its vastness
Its buildings
Its history
Its everything
Its back and its front.

How many images have I digitally captured on my various cameras only to save away on a hard-disk in the hope that one day my kids might dust it off and see what their father was thinking.

I can only hope that my children's thoughts are as whirling, confused, colorful and alive as my own. Do they even see in the image what I saw when I took it? What I felt? I doubt it. But I hope so. (That's what one of my next tattoos is about, so stay tuned).

My phone takes particularly pleasing black and white images. The colors are often washed out, but I find I can get a reasonably nice photo in B&W. They are not as crisp as a nice camera, but they will do. The warm edges might help take the edge of the reality of daily life. When was living defined by sharp lines anyways? How can you even be sure of anything!?

So here it goes. 365 days in a year. 365 images I will post. I will be forced to return each day, partly out of duty, and partly in hopes of helping to surface thoughts that otherwise would have been left submerged - perhaps not have even existed at all.

Philosophical? Not really. It's quite simple you see.
Perhaps the only thing that will be simple in life - as we (I) stumble along, skidding sideways, looking for anywhere but the end along the way.

And to play catch up, I'll start with yesterday. Captions will be occasional, but I assure you, images will be daily. Let's do this:

22 June 2008

Cafe Scribe

23 June 2008

Not the great museum atop a hill, but always feels as majestic to me.

We're back.

2008-06-21T18:07:00.003+12:00

It's a long story.
Actually, a lot of stories have accumulated since we last spoke.
Anyway, the point is that we've changed the page. Made it simple like life should be (but is not at all).

See you when I have some time to put words onto paper.
I promise

XO

Update time

2008-04-16T21:19:00.002+12:00

Time for an update I think. I might try and work out how to spruce up this site a little bit. Or perhaps just keep coming to write. But for now, here's the current state of the bikes in the house tonight.
Pink one has a new stem finally. More upright for my baby. Still, we haven't taken it for a ride yet...Coralee!
Roadie is not much changed. I started carrying tools and tubes etc. Which paid off because I have been getting some wicked flats lately. Trying to ride 200km per week. It's kind of working out. Note the color-matching bottles thanks to BikeCentral.
Commuter has inhereted a new basket. Second hand from Leo at R&R. Next step is something bigger on the rear. I'm thinking a washing basket - black of course!
And finally, the IRO, my precious, my trusty steed every day. I tried the trispoke. Which kind of looks cool, but I feel too sketchy. A downgrade in performance. I'm not concerned about aerodynamics, or weight.

SO there you go. Nothing in particular. But a new post nonetheless.

I will be back soon

Alex

At night, we own the city

2008-02-25T11:09:00.002+13:00

At daybreak the city swells.
People leave home, half awake, through folding bus doors
routine takes over.

Not that the city is predictable;
my city is changing with each turn that I make.
But as the day progresses, it is always most alive;
there is the most movement
In the simplest sense, I think that to move is to be alive.

Then, as darkness falls, the lights flicker and fade as chaos is resumed.
During the daytime, we are a part of the city
However, at night, we own the city.

Last night (Sunday) just before 11pm I set out by a bicycle with 16 speeds. Not deliberately to explore, more to deplete my batteries so that I might be able to sleep some. The gale-force weekend had covered Tamaki Drive with sand and debris which flicked onto my behind and made its way into the nozzle of my drink. The cars approaching me quickly from behind in the dark were not the only hazard, but I had to swerve to avoid rockfall from the cliffs above, and seaweed, at least 100 meters further inland than seaweed is ever supposed to lay.

The Hertzian spaces of the city can be switched on and off. And I would say that to some extent the city has had the ability to switch itself on and off since the introduction of the electric light bulb. But at night my city does not stop glowing. In fact, in last night's rain the lights of the port were as bright as I have ever seen them; reflecting and intensifying from every single drop.

Isn't it funny
How the city can seem at it's most alive at night; when everyone is away, at home.
As I rounded the corner at Kelly Tarltons the final stretch, the light was almost blinding.

In some cases it is surely true; that the city truly wakes at night, as people flock to its bars and clubs in search of companionship. However, it seems that Auckland is still sleepy at night, especially on a Sunday.

But last night as I pedaled my aching legs home, the glow of those lights, the brightness due to rain that I don't think I have appreciated before reminded me of the freedom that is to move freely through my streets as everything else is still.

One quarter of a year...

2008-02-18T10:40:00.002+13:00

...has passed since I last posted. Haha, that is a long time.
And here I am, in the same building at university (but a different office).
since we last spoke?
Well, summer, weddings, honeymoon, PhD scholarship, beaches, and riding bikes.

My mind will not let me write much right now. Its too sore from all the pondering I tend to do facing this monitor when I should be researching useful things. But I shall be back.

From this open office window I hear the familiar sound of the train rattling by.
It's nice because the sound reminds be that I am not so far from home.
Speaking of which, it is now time to go and work. Ride around the city. hopefully clear my mind
preparation for a day of productivity tomorrow?
we will see
Alex

Bicycle Quotes

2007-11-19T22:21:00.000+13:00

Bicycle Quotes

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of mankind" - H.G. Wells
When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments.� Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man.� And (unlike subsequent inventions for man's convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became.� Here, for once, was a product of man's brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others.� Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle. - Elizabeth West, Hovel "The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community." - Ann Strong, quoted in the Minneapolis Tribune in 1895 "As a social revolutionizer, the bicycle has never had an equal. It has put the human race on wheels, and thus changed completely many of the most ordinary processes and methods of social life. It is the great leveler, for not till all Americans got on bicycles was the great American principle that every man is just as good as any other man fully realized. All are on equal terms, all are happier than ever before." - New York Evening Post, June 2, 1896 "The negative attitude of cars is expressed in their very name, automobiles, which exalts the vehicle at the expense of the person transported by it. They are symbols of machismo, aggressivity and empty consumption. They've been perfected over the years, but they haven't evolved. They demand to be envied, feared, and lusted after. Most car designers waste space that should be devoted to passengers. Metal competes with flesh, and an object that should be our servant becomes our master. All that distance from humanity, all that self-importance..." - Phillipe Starck, 1996 (100 years later) "I still feel that variable gears are only for people over forty-five. Isn't it better to triumph by the strength of your muscles than by the artifice of a derailleur? We are getting soft...As for me, give me a fixed gear!" - Henri Desgrange, L'Equipe article of 1902 "...these glimpses of physicality made me think that one-day being in a car in a great city like Paris will be slightly vulgar. I was delighted to see so many classy bikes around, beautifully engineered and finished with road tyres, panniers and mudguards and not the clich� mountain bike nor the road racers (though all are welcome, compared to cars, in my vision). We saw such stylishly dressed people on good utility bicycles taking their space on the city roads." - Simon Baddeley, reporting on car free day in Paris, September 22, 2000 "It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle." - Ernest Hemingway, By-Line "I'll tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than any one thing in the world. I rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a bike. It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammelled womanhood." - Susan B. Anthony 1896 "Whoever invented the bicycle deserves the thanks of humanity." - Lord Charles Beresford (1846-1919), British Admiral and Member of Parliament From HERE ...and another When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. - H.G. Wells Get a bicycle.You will not regret it if you live. - Mark Twain The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets. ~Christopher Morley

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of mankind" - H.G. Wells

When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments.� Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man.� And (unlike subsequent inventions for man's convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became.� Here, for once, was a product of man's brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others.� Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle.

- Elizabeth West, Hovel

"The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community."

- Ann Strong, quoted in the Minneapolis Tribune in 1895

"As a social revolutionizer, the bicycle has never had an equal. It has put the human race on wheels, and thus changed completely many of the most ordinary processes and methods of social life. It is the great leveler, for not till all Americans got on bicycles was the great American principle that every man is just as good as any other man fully realized. All are on equal terms, all are happier than ever before."

- New York Evening Post, June 2, 1896

"The negative attitude of cars is expressed in their very name, *automobiles*, which exalts the vehicle at the expense of the person transported by it. They are symbols of machismo, aggressivity and empty consumption. They've been perfected over the years, but they haven't evolved. They demand to be envied, feared, and lusted after. Most car designers waste space that should be devoted to passengers. Metal competes with flesh, and an object that should be our servant becomes our master. All that distance from humanity, all that self-importance..."

- Phillipe Starck, 1996 (100 years later)

"I still feel that variable gears are only for people over forty-five. Isn't it better to triumph by the strength of your muscles than by the artifice of a derailleur? We are getting soft...As for me, give me a fixed gear!"

- Henri Desgrange, L'Equipe article of 1902

"...these glimpses of physicality made me think that one-day being in a car in a great city like Paris will be slightly vulgar. I was delighted to see so many classy bikes around, beautifully engineered and finished with road tyres, panniers and mudguards and not the clich� mountain bike nor the road racers (though all are welcome, compared to cars, in my vision). We saw such stylishly dressed people on good utility bicycles taking their space on the city roads."

- Simon Baddeley, reporting on car free day in Paris, September 22, 2000

"It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle."

- Ernest Hemingway, By-Line

"I'll tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than any one thing in the world. I rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a bike. It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammelled womanhood."

- Susan B. Anthony 1896

"Whoever invented the bicycle deserves the thanks of humanity."

- Lord Charles Beresford (1846-1919), British Admiral and Member of Parliament

From HERE

...and another

When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race.
- H.G. Wells

Get a bicycle.You will not regret it if you live.
- Mark Twain

The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets. ~Christopher Morley

2007-11-19T21:55:00.000+13:00

There is not much time before I fall asleep. I rode over 50km today on the road bike. It was nice to take it out for a change. After doing Tamaki Drive to St Heliers and back I realised that the reason I like riding fixed so much in town is passing traffic, and weaving to the front of lights etc.
So, I took off up Orakei Road (which was a mistake seeing it's SO steep) and went urban.

Here's the route.

Anyway. Saw some cool bikes in Ponsonby afterwards.
Reissue OM Flyer BMX
and an IRO Mark V!

I thought I was the only IRO in NZ :-)
WIll totally have to find out who this one belongs to! It was clearly one straight from IRO with everything from Stock IRO cranks to hubs and the Brooks saddle.

Im going to bed.
There was really no point in being here was there.
ALex.

Poetry in Pastry

2007-11-15T11:27:00.000+13:00

This post inspired by a love of pies, and Andrew's Piecycle.

The University is an odd place. I sit here under fluorescent lights (although I should be grateful I get phone reception, as next year the Masters offices are located so far underground that your phone is not connected to the outside world) and emerge for short periods of time to get some lunch, or go to the bathroom. OK, quite a lot of the time I emerge just to ride my bike around.

But that is not the point. Now that it is no longer regular semester time it means that there are no longer my favorite custard pies in stock.

However, yesterday morning, the fine morning that it was I discovered a new item on display in the HSB cafe; an odd sight given that the plates are generally unchanged each day, the same stuff day in day out.

Now on this morning I noticed a small muffin-like parcel, wrapped in gladwrap. I was draw to this unfamiliar item and as I picked it up I realised that It was still warm. This means that it has been recently baked.

Well that sealed the deal, and as I waited for the register lady to sell me my pastry parcel I smelt the sweet warm smell of fresh baking leaking from the plastic parcel in my hands. It was still steaming.

Back at my computer I hastily unwrapped it and upon first bite discovered a most friggen awesome yum warm apple pie. Topped with cinnamon, the apple contents was just the right temperature, still hot from the oven. And the pastry...oh the pastry...it was warm, yes, but also sweet.

Anyway. I was in love.
I went back an hour later, alas, they were all gone.

So this morning I raced in as soon as I could possibly wake. There were my beloved pies waiting for me. Although I was slightly later than the last morning, they were still warm.

It turns out the cafe lady has been making them upon some engineering students' request given the absence of the regular apple and custard pies. I pleaded with her to continue making them into the new semester.

It would give me a little more reason to get to work early in the morning.

Alex

Journey

2007-11-13T10:47:00.000+13:00

Hello all,

So I managed to escape. It's not what they generally teach you to do. But it is the best means I can find of just making it all go away. It was good. I light up inside every time I get the opportunity to tell someone about it.

While I took my proper camera with me, I mainly take photos on my mobile, so here is photographic highlights of the journey in 120 images. I even managed to keep the self portraits to a minimum for you:
Part One
Part Two

My journey really began on Thursday. I realised that I have been sitting in this same chair (yes, I am in it again now) for as long as I can remember. Although I am sure I took a break this year, to the snow, to somewhere, I actually cannot remember. It felt as though I had not escaped since last summer. Of course, (and as Coralee will quickly learn if she hasn't already) de Freitas' don't put anything off. Yeah, she knows this!. Without thinking of eminent wedding planning and my worldly responsibilities I hastily booked my train ticket to Wellington, departing the following morning. Trains are a great mode of transport. Not only are they quite efficient and will probably have to (well, hopefully) become far more central in our lifestyles in NZ, but you get to see the country like you have never before. And although the ticket price is comparable to flying, you don't have to pack up your bike into a box for the trip.

After leaving home (twice) forgetting various pieces of equipment I raced to the train station to be on my 7am train. Breakfast consisted of a Charlies Refresher drink, which is yum by the way, and a Nashi Pear, what I would like to think of as the most thirst quenching of all the fruits.

The train was not at all empty as I had imagined. In my mind I had an entire carriage to myself to sprawl across with my bike. Instead, it turns out it is set up exactly like an airplane with numbered seating (not any more spacious than a plane) and my bike had to get packed away with all the commoners' luggage. Now this thought frightened me, that my bike would be out of my sight. I waited and watched them load it on personally, to make sure she was tucked in just right.

Well, the train hadn't got as far as Hamilton and we hear there has been a derailment and we will be hoarded onto buses to National Park. Not only did this mean that I would miss out on half of my soul-searching train journey, but it meant that once again, my bike had to be manhandled and crammed under a smelly (and super retro) bus.

This time my bus left before I could observe my bike being safely loaded. So I made a quick prayer to the bike gods and forgot about it as much as possible. Buses suck, compared to trains. But I still got to see parts of the road (that I have driven a hundred times before) in a new light. I saw rolling pastures and riverbanks and factories that I have never been given time to appreciate as I zoom by in a car.

the wait at National Park was horrible, it took hours, but finally we were off. the train, having just come from Wellington, was facing the wrong way which meant all the seats were facing to Auckland, while the train was travelling to wellington - all the passengers were forced to face backwards. Not being one to appreciate this backwards way of viewing life, I headed for the outdoor deck, which it turns out is a little caged space no bigger than a bathroom.

Anyway, as the train finally departed, the deck proved its radness. The train rockets along at almost 100km/hr and it is more like a roller coaster ride. It was loud though. I am sure I lost just a little of my hearing. We passed over gorges and rivers and through pastures, wetlands, coastlines and forests. It was everything I wanted the ride to be. Me, my iPod and some time to myself. I stood on the deck for all of 6 hours until we arrived in WEllington slightly behind schedule as night set in.

Mom was there for a work trip, so after a race on my bike down the (deserted) mainstreets of town I headed to Massey where there was some student art on show. As much as this was cool, I came to ride.

I soon found out where all the people hang out in the Cuba Precinct and had some food and coffee (and chocolate!) with mom and just had a good night. While mom was reluctant to share here hotel with me at first!...we crashed there and had another morning of coffee, meeting colleagues and just chilling in town.

Mom made me visit Te Papa, but again, while this was ok, I just wanted to explore. Once I saw her off in the afternoon, the journey really was allowed to begin.

I love to ride my bike in the city. I actually cannot think of anything that is more therapeutic for me at the moment. I forget about whatever, and focus on the road ahead, planning lines through cars and wondering when the light will turn yellow, and whether I will be able to slip through the gap.

Lately I have been attracted to the concept of riding my same bike, but in different cities. Something about this feels to me similar to the ship that traveled from port to port in search of whatever it pleased. I came close to getting my bike to Los Angeles earlier this year, and can't wait to (hopefully) (please coralee) take it to NYC and Toronto and Vancouver next year for Becka's wedding. In your own city, you become familiar with your surroundings. You know the cracks in the pavement to avoid, the steep hills, the timings of the traffic lights. You can forget to look up and be thankful for your surroundings. The city is a beautiful place. Millions of people's lives collide, deliberately and otherwise. You never know what will happen, and if you do, well you can just find somewhere new. There are always places that you haven't been before. And if there isn't, well then there are surely places that are changing daily. I love the port for this reason. While the park can stay the same, the pigeons, the fountain - the port is different all the time. Even more so, the port is always alive!

Where was I, yeah, So new city fun. I explored til late. There was a hardcore show going on, Antagonist, from Auckland, even some friends of mine were down for it. Only, call me silly, but I'm too scared to turn up to a show of 15year old punk kids alone. Cam didn't txt, so while I was outside the show, and could hear the music, had the $7 cover charge in my pocket ready, I never went in. Instead I booked in to the backpackers and cruised around some more.

I'm not sure if it's because wellington is more compact, or what, but all the nightlife seems to happen in a small area. I rode around into the early hours, in much the same way as I love to do in auckland, watching drunk people try and hook up, seeing people trade drugs and just enjoying the freedom of flying by them on my bike.

I found the skatepark that night too. Managed to truly waste my bike, using the sweet bowl ramps and whoop-de-do rollers and stuff. I wish someone had been there to take a photo of the trackbike in the skate bowl. I tried unsuccessfully to do so myself.

So I crept in to my backpackers dorm and crashed for the night.
After checkout I was ready for another day of riding.
I've been writing for a while now eh, I dont expect many people to really still be with me.
Today I went further afield. Rode some amazing tunnels. Mashed some crazy hills. Went far from town and back and around the coast and just pedalled until I couldn;t anymore.

Back in town I sure deserved lunch. Plum cafe on Cuba Mall made such a nice breakfast with mom the day before I got one again. Yum. Veggie Plumster. Get one. seriously.

So I could have stayed another night, but my legs could barely move. I felt as though I had seen the wellington I wanted to. The alleys, the old buildings, and the choice hills to bomb. I picked up my rental car relocation, complained to them about charging me ridiculous insurance and set off for home.
I hate driving.
More so, I hate driving at night,
To top it off I was driving alone, and in the rain. It was boring. But after sitting on my butt for 7 hours around abouts I made It home

Only, I couldn't sleep. I wasn't ready to be back.

Wellington was all I wanted it to be. Although it's probably not the grown up thing to do, I hope I continue to run in the face of the things that weigh me down.

For those three days I managed to forget about $1500 phone bills and $19,000 weddings. I was able to ride, and marvel at how red the organic capsicums were, and how intricate asparagus flowers are. I had breakfast on the wharf early in the morning. my heart shivered when I breathed in a realised that the water was not moving at all.

My train journey took me past a massive wind farm.
It reminded me of driving across California with Tilly

I thought of Japan, where you could be in a train across the country and never really leave the densely populated urban areas. How different is that to my journey where I barely saw anything but green. I am reminded of how differently we live. And how much I need to live differently in order to stay alive. To retain this feeling.

I think to myself how often in conversation we can say things that are worthless. Things that do nothing but fill space. Discourage. Offend. Or do nothing good at all. I aim to only speak positive, uplifting words of encouragement. Thoughtful words that force people to question what we think of as normal, right. There is not enough time available here to waste on...

It's ironic how beautiful the gorse plants are. In full bloom. Brightest yellow. Yet they are prickly and considered a pest.

I'm beginning to feel ready to get back and finally finish this thing..and start something new.

I really don't know how to narrate a good story.
Believe me. In my mind everything is a certain way.
The challenge is to be able to get this stuff out in a way that you might see, even for a moment, how i see.

For years now this has been on my mind. Probably the minds of many artists and novelists etc too.

I felt rested. For a moment. And now that I am back, while it doesn't feel much different, I know that I had a great time. And my desire to do it again has not been subdued, rather, it has only intensified. Time for a trip to the big apple?

thanks for being there for me.
I'm learning what it means to be human. And what's more, for the most part at least, it is pretty choice.

XO

$$$

2007-11-08T23:42:00.000+13:00

Right now I feel the money crushing me more than ever before.
I got home and figured I had better open that big A4 envelope from Vodafone, It's been sitting for days.
a $1100 phone bill between us.
and we just paid $400.
and we have a friggen wedding coming up for like $19000
and i don't even open the IRD envelopes anymore but you know they are $30,000 or more.
plus coralee's loan of about the same.

I actually feel paralyzed. This kind if worry is not good for anyone. Let alone a young student not even out of school.
How does this even happen.

I'm taking a short holiday. (yes, for another $200). but I need to.
I will come back in three days, having ridden in some streets that are new to me. and hopefully with less of a weight on my shoulders.

In brighter news. Charlie's Berry Refresher cheered me up. And wedding invites are folded.
I have been worried about money before.
But never as much as I am right now.
I am really scared. I really hope that noone jokes about buying houses, or even implies it in the next long while. Do they even know what they are saying at all.

I actually feel as though this debt will kill us. Maybe slowly. But people are dying in this world everyday with this feeling.
I really hope that I don't have to live my entire life this way.
Thinking of alternatives.
Moving to an island?
run away and forget about it?
stay here for 10 more years!?!?
frick

I hope you sleep well, because I can't.

..and that's why I came:

2007-11-07T17:15:00.000+13:00

I also came by to show you some things that fascinate me.

Well if you didn't already know, I have a new tattoo that is slowly nearing completion. It is of a woodcutting by Frans Masereel. Here is the image I based it on:

Anyway. I know it is called Der Kub (the Kiss) and I know it was published? in 1925. But I dont know in what it was published.

I had been meaning to order the graphic novel by Masereel called the City. It contains 100 woodcuttings just as awesome as this one, and I thought 'The Kiss' was in there. But apparently not.

You have to check it out though. As I was looking on Amazon, I found that you can access it online.

Have a look at The City here. I can't explain it. But his work is pretty amazing to me. It just really is something that I can relate to. I feel like I can see the city that Masereel sees. Or saw. or something.
There is enough cool stuff in there for me to tattoo my whole body in his work! (don't worry mom, I wont!)

In other artistic news, It will come as no surprise to many of you that I have an obsession with decrepit buildings and rooftop gardens among other urban things.
Well these two photographers take photos of abandoned schools, mental asylums, and hospitals.

Kinda creepy...but super cool. It would be rad to be a photographer. All the cool locations that you could go...as an excuse to photograph them. I love visiting similar places in my city. But all I leave with is the memories (or a grainy mobile phone pic)

New England Ruins (Rob Dobi)

and

Jeremy Harris (click on Personal for the Hospitals)

bye for real.
alex

It's been quite some time

2007-11-07T16:50:00.000+13:00

So it has been quite some time since our last foray into the world of blogging. Publicly presenting ourselves on the web for all (or a very few according to my site statistics) to see. Consciously presenting ourselves should I say - remembering back to when I blogged about work being lame when I was at work!. Haha, that was silly. However I don't anticipate I will have that problem again. Like tattoos, I'm fully prepared to take anything as a consequence of what I write down here. I won't offend anyone (deliberately). And I won't say anything that you really wouldn't hear me saying (or complaining) in real life. Hmm. Real life....perhaps I mean material life. As opposed to digital life. That's kinda related to my dissertation. My dissertation that I am slowly but surely finishing up for the year. A mere fifty pages of text that have held me sleepless and contributed to the poor condition of my skin all year.

In a way, though, I am looking forward to beginning my Masters thesis. The Masters will hopefully become a continuation of my writing this year on the intersection of material and digital spaces, but perhaps with more focus. A more specific aim. Something worthwhile to contribute to academia. Or just to contribute to someones general thinking on the topic would be great. I love it how even ideas that are totally implausible or incorrect can still help you enhance or develop a better understanding of something for yourself. Anytime someone thinks critically about something, I think, is a good thing.

Yeah, so I do need a break, but I'm also looking forward to reading more in preparation for the Masters if that makes sense.

Forms Forms Forms! Spent the last few days buried in forms. Now that I mention it. It was only weeks ago that I was completing CV's and cover letters and scholarship forms!...now it was Governmental forms. Now I don't know if you share my experiences, but the forms from the government are the most confusing of all. Particularly the Canadian Government!

Anyway. My passport needs renewal which requires me to get all sorts of forms, photos and stuff signed and documented by legal people and police officers and people who have known me for over two years but are also a doctor, dentist...or all of the above!!!??!

And more forms....wedding license. But no, not the wedding license itself, the form which you fill out and pay $120 so that they can send you another form which you fill out which then means you are married!

I am putting that all behind me though. The most important thing is that I am here now, and you are too. I will be off to my parent's place now for dinner. Coralee is off with her mum looking at flowers. I can't believe we spend so much time, money and energy (and we are by no means the only ones doing so) on a wedding which lasts less than a day! It certainly is a weighted ratio.
Nevertheless, I am SO looking forward to everything that is about to happen. I am looking forward to being married to the girl who makes me the most happy in the entire world. Happier than I have ever been before. I am excited about the first day after the wedding actually, and every day after that. I can't wait to get our life started....together!.
I'm sorry, but the engagement is a bit of a limbo period. In Christian circles at least. Don't get me wrong. My mind works in very unusual ways that have often landed me in serious disagreements, but whats up with the engagement.
Asides from time to prepare trivial things like venues and flowers it is really just a dead space. We have already made a commitment to one another. Well, that's how I see it anyways.
The marriage is a public and legal way of showing this commitment, but why the space inbetween.
Sure, it probably allows some time to grow, think, develop etc, but surely that is best done before you say "will you...", or "yes".
haha.
Anyways.
I'm here typing because I have spent an entire day running across town to bureaus and departments and have not even OPENED my dissertation document.

Nice to hear from you.
I will be back (more frequently) soon.

XO

2007-10-26T16:00:00.000+13:00

(Malcolm Bradbury, 1991:97)

"Here...are the intensities of cultural friction, and the frontiers of experience: the pressures, the novelties, the debates, the leisure, the money, the rapid change of personnel, the influx of visitors, the noise of many languages, the vivid trade in ideas and styles, the chance for artistic specialization"

I just saw...

2007-10-26T14:19:00.000+13:00

I just saw the most beautiful thing

prelude: the trees around the university in spring release this pollen stuff into my nose and makes me sneeze every time it's windy and I go for coffee.

A medium size branch broke loose from a tree above me as I walked the green archway of leaves. As it fell I noticed on the branch about ten of those spiky fruit things that are not really fruit.
It smashed to the ground, and one thousand seeds were set free and wisped across the footpath to (try their best) settle themselves and begin life somewhere else.

In this simple sight
I was reminded of my creator
and of the little things
and that even when you are stressed it is actually still all ok.

So that I don't forget (and because I am cellphoneless)

2007-10-26T13:33:00.001+13:00

Berman (1982:146) (talking about Walter Benjamin)

"His heart and his sensibility draw him irresistibly towards the city's bright lights, beautiful women, fashion, luxury, its play of dazzling surfaces and radiant scenes; meanwhile his Marxist conscience wrenches him insistently away from these temptations, instructs him that this whole glittering world is decadent, hollow, vicious, spiritually empty, oppressive to the proletariat, condemned by history"

What a cool way to describe the (contradiction of the) city :-)

Gone for Lunch (Back in 5)

2007-10-26T11:20:00.000+13:00

Exams time. Oh no.
So much to say here.
Really.
But I will be back in 5.
Metaphorically.
See you next week.

University to Coralee's Parents' House

2007-10-18T08:06:00.001+13:00

The route.

Max speed: something ridiculous like 78km/hr
Avg speed: something way less (it's the hills)
Fun having a cycle computer

Except for this morning I have sore knees.
Time to adjust stuff
I think I rode across a good part of Auckland though :-)

Missed (blog) Moments

2007-10-16T11:45:00.000+13:00

A little scared right now. So nothing's new really. Scared about exams, life, and about dissertations.
Missed many of the moments this past week that I would usually turn to this place.

A few notes/thoughts/stuff I've read from cellphone memos, the backs of textbooks, and scrawled on the back of my hand over the last little while.

All I know is that it would be difficult to help play my part in changing our world by sitting right here, onlooking

tennis, its like a large version of ping pong

Producing good research, something to do with the ability to explain, in lay terms, the things that we daily take for granted

It is a big world that we live in isn't it.
I mean that in the most non-stupid way possible.

How on earth (sorry for the pun) are we supposed to even do all that we want to do.
Feeling lately like I will never be able to live my life to its fullest potential. The one that I dream of. Not because I am being held back, but just because everything seems just too big.

Back to that recurring underlying theme of my life eh. Overwhelming(ness).
XO

2007-10-11T18:17:00.000+13:00

I'm sorry, but some of the people I work with....I really don't know.
I mean. I've complained to the higer authorities about pretty much everything possible in this job. But tonight my regular supervisor is away. We don't really even need a supervisor. As I have complained before. They are literally a key holder and get to sit hidden away on the phone/internet earning a higher payrate than those of us on the frontline dealing with students.

But tonight I arrive at work to a new supervisor, well a temporarily filling in one. I'm not sure if he supervises other shifts....the printers are not going, on any of the levels!...none of them.
Apparently this has been going on for at least an hour now.
Students are coming in in droves and complaining/ aksing what's up.
He just turns them away and says that the techs are onto it.
So i ask him, how long its been going on?
Has someone been told about this....yeah, yeah he reassures me everything is ok.
I start to get annoyed and direct students' queries to him.
I suggest that we should consider putting up signs.
No, he says.
Ok, annoyed now I ask students to go to him when they come in angry.
Meanwhile he is typing out the solveIt call right now!
Noone has been notified that our MAIN printers have been out for hours.
and what's worse....he doesnt even want me to go out and lace signs on the print stations that advise 'out of order'.
Are you serious.
Man, some people.
And now you see why this blog is not advertised to my workmates :-)
you have to be kidding me
this job is the biggest joke
everyone passes the blame to the next person.
night staff blame the day staff and viceversa
day staff do nothing and expect night staff to cover...and vice versa.
haha. I feel grateful that I have patience.
But still wonder why they didnt take me seriously when I suggested that we don't need a supervisor.
ok, stop complaint now.

From .bmp to Reality

2007-10-10T14:53:00.001+13:00

Remember when I posted the Pink Bike post. Well, I imagined the pink bike that I would build for Coralee out of the old Healing Skylark frame I picked up off Trademe.
Well some greasy fingers later, and a lot of getting frustrated because my hair gets in my eyes, it was done.

Pretty close to my original imagination eh!
I actually built it up weeks ago. Just getting the pics now though

XO

Photo Life

2007-10-10T11:36:00.001+13:00

New phone is sweet. It takes photos just that little bit nicer than the n70. Enough of a good quality for me to want to snap more. Because it is at a resolution you wouldn't be ashamed to share with people. Even at dusk, twilight or whatever. the shots at the netball courts below were in really low light. And I have only just begun to play with exposure settings. Finding that increasing the exposure value can produce a more bright and lively shot in many cases.

Anyways. Last night I caught the train to watch netball. Only, I got on the wrong line and headed past Greenlane etc instead of Orakei and Glen Innis. Used it as an excuse to ride a new road.
Riding new roads is so much fun
I really need to do that as much as I can
Even if they are roads that you have driven a hundred times. Riding is totally different.
Rode 6+ k's to netball along Ellerslie-Panmure Highway. It's pretty much a death lane for cyclists.
The road is narrow and no room or shoulder at all for me. And what's worse is there are heaps of drains that you need to swerve out into the middle of the lane to avoid.

anyways. Much more to write but no time. I delayed lunch with Tilly and told her I was in the middle of work when i actually just uploading these pics! haha (sorry til).
Some of the last few days in pictures. Glad to have Coralee back. I hope we never have to be apart for long periods of time. How hard is that!

Like a Sponge

2007-10-08T10:38:00.000+13:00

I've been spending a lot of time lately. Particularly in Coralee's absence, but just alot of time in general too wizzing my way around the web, absorbing as much information as I possibly can. Gossip, News, History, Speculation, Tutorials, Lectures, Politics. Whatever.
Just clicking and reading and following trails. You know.
But i've been thinking.
We all know the knews is slanted. Tainted. Affected by something, someones opinion other than the truth. I am a big fan of the Propaganda Model by Herman and Chomsky.
I, more than many people I know, always take what I read with a grain of salt. Read critically and form an opinion of my own.
But it is easy if you are reading from one source. One newspaper. etc.
reading the same thing reported 100 different ways on the web is useful, sure. But gets friggen complicated.
Haha. My mind is forced to work more critically than normal.
no sense, yeah, but procrastinating, yes.
Back to work

Four Things

2007-10-07T11:48:00.000+13:00

1. The Old Railway Station is Beautiful. - I snuck in this morning and explored. I can just imagine people dressed up waiting for their train 100 years ago.

2. It is really green outside. Loving the spring. Everything is extraordinarily green it seems.

3. Is it weird that when I read this morning that the All Blacks had been eliminated from the world cup that I felt a little sink in my stomach. I mean, I am the most distanced from rugby of anyone. Maybe there is that little bit of national pride in me after all.

4. Picking up Coralee soon!
...money for parking?.......................................check!
...flowers?...........................................................check!
...brush teeth for good first kiss?....................check!

XO

A deep breath in

2007-10-06T11:11:00.000+13:00

Weekend is here.
It's hard to see the computer screen, but that's because there is a warm sun on my back.
An odd relaxing combination of listening to As I Lay Dying and chilling in the sun.
Hopefully seeing mom today. Even more hopefully seeing mom and riding bikes somewhere.
Nothing to report other than this sun feels so good on my back
and no school work will be in sight today.
XO

Familiar city, unfamiliar spaces

2007-10-04T18:20:00.000+13:00

Less than five minutes walk from my existing neighbourhood, and still a stones throw from the University lays the district of this city that I would most like to live. There are converted mills and factories, new apartments, and everything inbetween. I took these photos on my phone (n93i). They are each of views that are new to me. In a city that I thought I knew like the back of my hand. They say that New York can surprise its residents of 30 years with new experiences each day. I think the same could be said about this city. You just need to look slightly to the left of the same way that you have trained yourself to look on your commute each day. Do me (yourself) a favour. Take a different route home after you read this. Nothing could be more beneficial to your health.
XO

Inspired by this post

Moments to share

2007-10-03T01:59:00.000+13:00

2am up.
So it's hard to get thought a regular day without you, really.
Every little thing that I see
Every thought that pops into my head
I want to share it with you
I find it really hard. When these moments go by and noone else was able to share them a little with me
As simple as seeing the most beautiful cloud formation
or feeling this thunder rumble my room
or that my tattoo is in itching phase
and that I just spied on some dodgy truck unloading in the carpark under my room at 2am.
But I want to share these all with you

That's actually why I'm getting married.
I don't want to do this stuff without you
You make everything more fun.

plus, you give me butterflies.

But this past week and a half have been impossible.
I mean it's hard to get through a day
they bubble up from within me
Maybe that's why I sometimes get sad

I guess it's possible that good things can overflow in the form of a bad feeling. Because you missed it.
ANyways. two weeks is enough.
There is nothing more that I wan't to do in life than spend every day with you
Seriously.
there is stuff i would like to do
places to go
people to see
but it all really doesnt matter to me in the end

I know maybe this is cheesy.
or won't make sense
it's after 2am
but it's not intended that way.
I love you.

Tonight I rode to my regular La Porchetta pizza takeaway dinner
I'm sorry but there is the most wicked lightening outside right now
lights up the room through the curtains
I opened the curtains to get the full show
you can sleep any night
lightening however comes not as often
the funny thing is that it is SO gnarly but the thunder is a good ten seconds behind
I wonder how bad it is right there in the centre
Throat is sore and it didnt help that I watched an episode of La Ink where a chick had to get her tonsils removed because she had chronic throat problems.
That is so me
read it here first.
so in two years when we resort to getting my tonsil surgery.
you will know I have suffered
and for at least three years before this too
man if only i didnt have this issue
i wonder if the work i produced would have been better
it really bugs me
this throat
but that's not the point
I forget where I changed tune from what I came here to write.
but seeing its already far up there ^^^ somewhere
I should stop
I've never really forced myself to sleep as much as I have been trying tonight
It's like I know i NEED to finish this esssay tomorrow.

I will get this glaring monitor out of my face though
and perhaps lie in the lighting room listening the rain
it's draughty in here man
but good roof rain noises
for those of you who appreciate that kind of acoustics
XO(2am)XO

Scholarships

2007-10-02T14:42:00.000+13:00

Forms forms forms for scholarships aplenty. What a necessary waste of time it is. Well necessary because how could you not apply. And waste of time, because who even gets these anyways.
The international universities are something that I wouldn't even have a clue about.
Time to start making connections I think.
How on earth do you go about applying to get into these international schools.
I feel as though it requires a lot of email correspondence.
Writing slowly.
Slowly back into it I go again.

2007-09-28T23:38:00.000+12:00

So, here's what I'm doing.
It's midnight. Just spoke to Coralee. She's doing well. Out partying in Hawaii no less.
I was working. Well trying to. But I couldn't. I mean, It's friday night.
So I went to chill at 121.
Then burned around town for a while.
When I got back on my bike after 121 it was amazing. It was like I was gliding through the streets. Not a sound. Weaving cars. It was just one of those moments.
Did some laps. Played with the night mode on my camera. Then I went home.
Only, I got home and I still wanted to ride.
So i did.
Round and around and back to town.
Well I was snaking down a line of stationary cars on the left (I know) and they started to move slowly.
I still kept going on the left approaching an intersection (green light)
Well, one car that was two cars ahead decided to turn left without warning (or indication) so the cab in front of me brakes suddenly and I skid and im not gonna stop!
So i slide sideways and just kinda slide into his rear bumper with a thud.
My front wheel twisted right around, but luckily it was only the stem twisting in the fork. So i can just tighten up that badboy and go.
I picked myself up.
Dusted myself off.
Gave the guy behind me a nod as if to say "thanks for not running me over" and I explained to the pedestrians who witnessed it that I simply had no brakes :-)
The taxi drive of course gets out to inspect his car but I was off. Like the wind. On adrenalin I guess.
So I stop around the corner and check the bike. Straighten the wheel. Everything seems ok. No forks bent that I can see. I rode no hands and it goes straight as a whistle.
The wheel isnt perfectly true. But then, that could just be from general riding. I havent checked it since new.
SO yeah. A small scrape to the MKS double straps and my knee and elbow. Thankfully not my new tattoo side. and I am fine.
It was kinda fun to tell you the truth. I rode around heaps more and banged the roof (harder than i usually do) of a security car that went straight in the turning lane and nearly took me out again. You gotta stand up for yourself when your just a little bike in a sea of cars.

Queen street was extra alive with cars. Parading tongan flags out the window has something to do with the rugby world cup i am sure.
Even after my crash i took pleasure in weaving (literally) through two lanes of stationary cars lined down queen, people putting their hands out to cheekily swipe me as I ride by and all. I figure my momentum will cause more pain to their arm that would to damage to me.
So here I am. Back at home still typing a million miles an hour from my exciting night
(waiting for Coralee's call to know that she is safe still)
So much for an early night.
But that was the most fun that I have had in a while
and that's what I needed to help me with my work.
It always amazes me how we can change moods so quickly.
Just in general
Tonight I am stoked that, right now, I don't care about anything school related.
Here's to hoping it stays that way until I am far asleep.
XO

Andy

2007-09-28T13:46:00.000+12:00

Copying Andy's writing - because he makes so much sense. Or so little, depending on which way you look at it I guess.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

-eyes>closing>in>sequence/-people>slipping>through>doors-what>can>I>do>from>this>lane/-only>as>long>as>I>can>remember//
;
Pulled away from the curb on my bicycle, having just written down those words which for various and probably uninteresting reasons (unless you think of dreams as visions) were accumulating and repeating themselves endlessly and involuntarily in my thoughts ever since the film ended. I was afraid that they would continue to do so and that the collection would be too much for me. Now, I thought, that they were written away, I am free to forget them, putting an end to the ridiculous, overwhelming collection of simple, immaterial signs. Once more the list recited itself, and as it did I noticed another line I had not noted down on the curbside, (and forgive me for what a crappy phrase it is, at least appreciate my honesty in admitting it here, remember I did not choose these words)
-keep>on>pedalling//
And so my memory had failed me. How do all those great writers do it? How do they record in such a manner that it recreates those fleeting moments when it is as if you have discovered in time and thought, a distinct melody, but one which you know in its entirety just by looking at it- you don't require any more time than that instant in which you possess the tune in its whole form, like you might an object in your hand. How do they reproduce in such a likeness that we can feel an affinity with what is written, or rather what is described? Not so much that they describe a particular experience of your own, more just that it is as if they have been able to transcribe (as if on paper, a musical score) one of those melodies, or tunes. But I worry that perhaps these writers (or even things without such distinct authors, like a great film you watch before you know anything at all about it) are not accurate or honest records at all. As disheartening as it is to imagine it, they could just be complete fabrications. What is even scarier is twofold:
1-that this makes sense, as even if a musical score is transcribed accurately from an improvised live performance, there is always something lost when the piece is re-performed, when the instruments are played and the score recited. It could never be the same song even if it is the same melody.
2-Let's say that these fabricated scores are the ones we admire and even idealise (an act to which, I confess, am guilty). Maybe this even changes what we listen for in the future, meaning that the electric speakers through which we play the melodies we admire drown out the most natural of songs.

1 comments:

Alex de Freitas said...: So my thoughts exactly. No one will ever know what we truly have experienced. There is no way (short of some futuristic kind of brain mapping) that (I have found) to solve this. Frustrates me endlessly. But gives some kind of value to our personal experiences don't you think. A privacy that makes them ours, no matter how much we want them to be shared by others :-); 6:45 PM

Interruptions

2007-09-28T12:53:00.001+12:00

Interruptions. My tongue feels like it is too big to to fit into the shape my teeth make for it. It always gets like this when I have a sore throat. I am in a constant state of sore throatedness. If I don't sip water once every five minutes it dries up and feels like fire.
At the beginning of this week I had one whole week to produce an essay/presentation for monday. Inerruptions. Mondays and Tuesdays are classes classes classes. Work til midnight etc. Wednesday should have been a productive day except I was too worried about resting so I would be in ok health for tattoo on thursday. Thursday was tattoo and work til midnight again and finally friday, when I should have been able to knuckle down and do this I have to run around all morning for a $10 trademe deal gone wrong. What a mission. I'm never selling things of little value on trademe again. Just ditch them. Saves the stress.
So here I am, friday afternoon. Trying to keep my nose from leaking snot because being sick for me is starting to be just the regular everyday state of health.
Whoever said that students don't work hard (or even thought it) had no idea.
I work as a tutor for TWO classes that takes up much of my week liasing with students and granting extensions for late assignments and answering stupid questions like "what does social polarisation mean?". I mean, really. Just hit up wikipedia. Anything.
I work until midnight twice a week which inevitably kills anything resembling a fresh start the next day. And when I do get time to sit down and do my own work, nothing comes out. Well, until the last minute. It will all work out in the end I guess.
So here I go.
Two days to go.
Nothing done so far.
Hoping that it will just all work out in the end.
Funny how that works.

NZ First

2007-09-27T19:17:00.000+12:00

"Police shooting shows tasers needed" - NZ First

Haha, on the contrary, I would argue that police shooting shows guns not needed!
But thats just me I guess.

Drawings

2007-09-23T12:04:00.001+12:00

.

2007-09-22T18:40:00.000+12:00

Saturday night. Off to find something to do. Dropped Coralee off at the airport early this morning. Early. I miss her already. Actually. In my stomach. Not just saying that.
Took the excuse of having time on my hands to ride around. Rather than work. It was therapeutic. Met some cool homeless people. A couple plus 13 puppies! living at the railway station. for 25 years they have lived on the street. Only two months there though. 13 puppies! haha was awesome. I didnt have the courage to ask them whether I could take their photograph. I should start to do that. Take photos of people. Anyways. playing around with my new phone/camera. Lots of my bike. Because it was the closest thing to a person around. And a couple of self portraits. The old train station. I remember catching trains to National Park from here. It's cool how something can degenerate before my eyes in my lifetime. I enjoy watching the process take place.

Bike, tracks.

tracks

bike and colors

tracks piled

mind the gap

self portrait

self portrait

lots of dust in the air

self

I made a short video of nothing too.
Really, it's nothing. No need to watch.

XO

Last post September 10 (Let's Go Here 5)

2007-09-20T18:04:00.000+12:00

Last post was so long ago.

so here to touch base rather than inform on new goings on.

No photos even.

I'm at work.

If I was at home I am sure I would have images to post.

How about updates on others' lives to fill in the blanks of my own.

Andy's Travels

Vania's new arrival

Hmm. Bikes are good.

Narrowly, and I mean narrowly missed out on the $399 return airfares to Los Angeles this morning.

Man, I was already imagining riding my bike exploring SoCal for four days.

So close.

got the Justin tickets though, for the third show. Coralee will be pleased.

Speaking of the City of Angels. I watched City of God last night. And just got back from showing it to a class.

I liked. Man this one part where Rocket is taking a photo of the gang and as the shutter of the SLR camera clicks a shot is fired and someone killed. Maybe it was a little cliche, predictable for a filmographer. But man, I just loved that shot so much

Made me want to visit the Favelas of Brazil. Really. Enlarge this image of a Favela in Rio.

Seriously. Click the image and pan over it.

those houses are seriously built on a hill. Like in wellington when I stayed with Tim, except without electricity, money, or jobs.

I wanna go.

Consider this the third in my series of 'Let's Go Here' posts. Wait! there's been 4 of them.

(no. 1, no. 2, no. 3, and no. 4)

Speaking of Let's going. Coralee is off in just over 24hours to the island of Oahu. and probably some other islands too.

Fun, hopefully she takes lots of pictures. Because I'm kinda looking forward to being jealous about her going without me If you know what I mean?

haha.

ok. too many interruptions at work

It's like we are a laptop hire store.

not an Information Helpdesk.

Hopefully I will have something meaningful to say soon

Dissertation is going well.

One Essay down too.

One to go (and yet to begin)

Work is hard.

This is hard man

Sometimes we (i've spoken to my peers) feel like others don't understand that work that we put in

You never leave your work

the entire year is spent stressing about one document that is due right at the end.

It is near the end now.

I think im moving on from faux scariness to the real thing.

eek.

frick.

too many interruptions at work

There is THREE people rostered on and I do it all!. I freaken swear I do.

Man,

I began relaxed.

Now my nose is blocked and I am frustrated.

Pink Bike

2007-09-10T20:51:00.000+12:00

So I made a drawing of the pretty bike that I will be making for Coralee.

It will have black wheels.

Because that's all I have.

It will have pink grips.

Because I ordered those especially already.

It will have a freewheel, not a fixed gear, because that's on order too. Plus. One speed is all you need.

It will have a girls frame because that is an impractical leftover from victorian times when women were forced to wear long skirts. It will have some kind of bars that are not drops. And I will have to figure out how to make the original brakes look good. Or get some other ones. It will have front and back brakes. Because stopping is important.

It will have pink spokey dokes. Because they are just cool.

And hopefully it will have a sweet bell. I will work on that one.

It will have a comfy seat, not my gold rolls.

It will have this seat for comfort. Not because I care that much about the rolls.

It will make the other girls jealous, and most importantly, hopefully, It will make coralee enjoy riding with me. On her new pink bike.

will write more after i take a dinner break.

I get deducted 30minutes from each shift I work and NEVER take the break.

Back soon

[EDIT] Back. I made my bike too. They didnt have black forks. So I made it in paint that color. Coralee's bike i made pink in paint.

Off to more mindless working.

write

2007-08-31T13:29:00.000+12:00

write because you have to
write because there is nothing else to do
rather, there is so much to do but you just can't, can't for the life of you do it.
Be scared because this semester is probably more important than any other.
be even more scared that you have spent a week and still don't understand the essay that you are about to (supposed to be) write(ing).
Found family on Facebook. Which is cool. Except for I wish I was there.
This weekend will be nice though. Going to the mountain. Weather is predicted to be crap. Like rain and gale force. Well it will be nice enough to get away anyway.
$2 noodles in a bowl are just that much better than the $1 ones!
Sometimes it doesn't pay to be cheap.
well quite a lot of the time it doesn't come to think of it.
Must get new batteries for the camera. Move away from cellphone quality up a few megapixels.

It's friday. Early afternoon. Early enough to stop? I never even really began.
I feel the stress, the scariness in my muscles.
I walk with it.
Highlight of yesterday: first pearl tea in a long time
Highlight of this week: nothing comes to mind
Highlight of today: making the decision to stop writing and get the frick out of here. It's not like im doing anything.

Have a great weekend.
And remember not to take your work home with you.
Oh, that's right. MY WORK DOESN'T GO AWAY

August

2007-08-29T22:41:00.001+12:00

Highlights from the month of August as it comes to an end from my phone.

shave day.
not writing anything sure takes it out of you.

Four Bike Wardrobe

Baby Isaac and Hannah

Still enjoying hair on my face

Lasagna

Post-wedding couch

My dreams come true - the perfect sunday afternoon

....and all dreams must come to an end

Coralee skytower

I rode through town tonight. And can I say. After oil in the chain, my bike whispers. I mean, it really is silent. Such a fun ride. Up to mom's studio to drop off keys then my favourite bomb down Symonds street. Queen Street is a mission hill up to K'Road. I won't lie to you. I walk from about just after Groovy. I just run out of momentum.

An easy 8km

Was considering doing the mission bay ride. But got too lazy. instead i rearranged my wardrobe to fit all three bikes, PLUS Coralees bike. This was I wont have to trip over bikes in my actual room. Although, I will have to find something new to hang my undies and socks on to dry.

Made this video. I do these of myself a lot. So rather than just save them away. I will share. Make of it what you will. Notice the smooth face from no beard. I would like to say I got pressured to take it away. But it was just really itchy. I got a little further than I have ever gone though. Oh now I con only wonder what it would have been like to go a little longer.

video: (Can't get it to upload) Dumb. Will try later. It was funny. Ask Coralee. Not trying to be funny. Just came out that way.

Oh Sunday

2007-08-26T23:06:00.000+12:00

Fun ride today. Cool crew of us. Slowly working our way across the waterfront. I can't go very slow on my black bike. Gears next time maybe. Can't wait to do it again. This is for you Ange. We missed you. My second movie maker attempt. I don't have the patience.

And some finny Willy just because:

Feels like the first night resting at home. Mustn't be though. Ew, I don't think I've ever written must not like mustn't before. Right. Off to bed. Full of liquorice allsorts. Did a supermarket mission with Coralee before. It's SO close.
And I always love coming home with a messenger bag chocked full of groceries.
Something that I really just feel proud about.

Got these yum pureed fruit mush squeezie sachets. Mmmm, i feel a new addiction coming on.

XO

Direction

2007-08-24T13:18:00.000+12:00

I think I'm ready to do some serious work now. Thanks to the Starting Line's, Direction.

If everyone listened to a new record each week or so, I think it just might all be OK. At least, for one instant or two.

Me when I'm (not) hard at work

2007-08-24T12:25:00.001+12:00

Because I am not being productive in any other way

2007-08-24T11:14:00.000+12:00

New post here.
I can't help it that I am in love with bikes.
How could you not be.
No earlier tattoo spots.
I visit Dean every other day to no avail.
Sept 27th it is then
Coralee will be in Hawaii
Never seen one being done yet.
Just think
When you first met me I had none.
haha. When I think about it that way it makes me seem like I hurriedly covered my body.
It feels way more of a natural process that that.
How to write when you can't really explain.
Are the words that come out really any substitute at all for what I am really thinking.
Is talking worth it.
So have to get back to it.
Holidays are here.
which is good.
but not because I can have a break like you might think
because it means uninterrupted time to write.
to catch up on weeks.

I updated my Velospace. It's like a myspace. But for bikes.
It's ok if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I totally understand :-)

Andy

2007-08-23T11:51:00.001+12:00

I really hope that one day Andy can use these for some kind illustrated book.
(look at the enlarged image, it's awesome)
Ange, I love the clouds. I love the style in general. But in this image in particular, the smoke seems to me three-dimensional - on a two dimensional image. Reminds me of the clouds from your exhibition. And the ones that floated in the rectangleBox for a little while.Enjoy my Toronto.
Love from Alex

on the fly

2007-08-23T11:27:00.000+12:00

time to check in. without capitals. if not only for a minute or two. haven't checked last time i wrote. i moved house though. it is nice. yet to spend much time there yet though. in and out. never a moment to rest. bike is nice. still settling in. getting to know her. it takes a while before you can fully begin to trust your equipment. still a little sketched about the stem. at least i said it here so when (if) it does break then you will know that i was concerned. lots of comments. on my tshirt surprisingly (thanks Jax). and on my bike. which is nice. caught the train yesterday. because i was too tired to ride up the hill all the way to mt eden road (where it flattens off a little). turns out that it still is a hilly ride from any train station to Coralee's. the train drives past my house. looked out the window to see my room. i wonder how many passengers have caught a glimpse of me getting changed. what else. work is going SLOWLY. i really enjoy this writing. i read something new and get excited about the possibilities for my topic. thesis? Phd? but deadlines suck. and more than that it sucks that i just cannot keep to them. my original deadline to myself has been extended, what, like 3 weeks already! nothing new, though. im sure this problem has plagued every student ever. excited about options. study abroad. who knows. weddings are $$$. who will pay. what to include? what not? beginning to realise why couples choose to pay their own way. no third parties to satisfy. weddings are about the couple to be wed? sure. they are about everybody else. the family. the friends. REALLY excited that Amanda and Kyle and possibly even others may be able to come over. it makes me crazy excited that you would even consider something like that. my family is really awesome. speaking with mom the other day. we agreed that we think we have had the perfect family. haha. but i suggested that one more 'family holiday' to an overseas destination might have beeb nice. we did rarotonga. we did fiji. we did cairns. but we really had room for one more before we all grew up. mom grew up. she bought her studio/apartment. dad grew up. everyone started to care about our climate. finally. andy grew up. grew abs of steel and long hair and somehow became someone that i now look to as an example of how to live. i grew up. nothing changed. but i got older. and married. i guess :-) so where do i go from here. it might be clear to you that the challenge now is simply to keep writing long enough so that the block of text gets big enough to look cool and chaotic. sitting at the same desk that passes so much of my time. today was and early start and after reading some goodness i was sidetracked. but marking. and mark entering. and mark moderating. and mark confirming are all now done. back to thinking about wireless technologies. this dissertation is like a mind puzzle for me. feeling my way as i go. at the same time. writing is impossible. words come slowly. but as i load the file each day the word count is steadily growing. and perhaps what i have to say will even make sense to someone. i think if anything comes from this dissertation it will be a clarifying document for myself. help me to understand the direction that real thesis research could take. so here we are. the end of a text that you have skipped to the bottom of.midday and not quite time for a second coffee. why do i insist on eating foods that upset my stomach. addiction. or something. other than that. I am still madly in love. every day she gets more beautiful. i swear. time to write a few more words. or ride my bike aimlessly. or go home (just because i can). or just.

preliminary pic

2007-08-20T08:46:00.000+12:00

preliminary cellphone pics...more to come (don't you just already know that!)

Waiting for Coralee...

2007-08-11T19:35:00.000+12:00

Waiting for Coralee to call I decided to see what moviemaker does. My movie maker on XP never worked. SO apparently Vista does.

.

2007-08-11T14:50:00.000+12:00

Spent far long than I had anticipated marking geography tests.
There are always some humorous (and by that I mean really poor quality) ones to mark. Which is kinda nice.
Trying to write stuff. Trying. Trying. New chapter is like starting a fresh new assignment. What a mission.
I went on a ride to blow off steam and to scope the route from uni to my new house that will not kill me from riding brakeless. There is really no easy way. Have to go all the way down Symonds street. Which apparently is like the most potholed street in the city. And so much glass and stuff on the roadside down by Beach road. It's all those massive trucks. Main port traffic route. Anyways. It means that I will still get to ride each day. Just ride a loop around to get home. Ooh ooh I have a good idea. I could ride all the way up and through the domain and back down past parnell rose gardens and quay street to home. Yeah. Sounds fun.
Im just here so that I don't have to be there. Writing.
Back to it i guess.
Nothing.

grr

2007-08-09T19:22:00.000+12:00

Hi ***** and *****.
I thought I had write to you both because I know ***** is out of here soon.I can't remember if I have expressed my concern once before (or even more than that), but it has been really frustrating this semester with my new shifts, thus, new supervisors.
My earlier complaint was I think something along the lines of the supervisor is paid a higher rate to simply sit out the back office and not deal with anyone fact to face at all. that in turn leaves the Level2 person to man the helpdesk and it more difficult to attend to problems on Levels 2 and 3 etc.
But my more recent problem is that there is NO supervisor here at all during times of my shifts. Every thursday I am left, not only as the sole person in the entire building, but supervisorless. This means that I have no keys to unlock the printers that are out of paper. And becuase I am the only person here I cannot even go out to help people or clear paper jams etc. Further, the net account loader on the helpdesk seems to log out every 15 mins or so and I cant even load credit to peoples accounts.
the worst part about it is...because I'm the only one here I can't even run off to take a bathroom break or get a drink.
I guess my complaint is twofold. Firstly I have difficulty agreeing with the way in which our supervisors' jobs are valued at a higher rate to ours. Particularly because the floor staff are the ones who organise the paper runs, breaks covered etc. the supervisor is simply a provider of keys.
Secondly, being supervisorless is challenging. I cannot help the customers as well as I normally could...and I believe that I am one of the most helpful, approachable, reliable members of the IC team.
There have been times when I'm sitting here all alone at the desk waiting for ***** to turn up that I have just wanted to quit. I love working in this environment. I love face to face encounters. Thinking on my feet, and being able to help fellow students, but I'm not sure that I can keep working in these conditions. I may as well just spend the nights writing my disserttation instead.
Soloutions?:-Perhaps I would make a better supervisor (and far more reliable) than others.-We need a set of keys available at the desk for situations that happen like this so often.-We need MORE THAN ONE member of staff rostered on at any time. -and the helpdesk net login computer needs to be changed back to the way it was when it didnt log off every 15 mins.
When i can't help a customer I feel embarrassed and useless. I have to explain to them that I need my supervisor out the back to log me back on. or to borrow their keys. It is like at the supermarket where the person has to ding their bell and wait for the supervisor to come unlock the till. That is not the kind of environment I want to work in.
Thanks for hearing my concerns.Just thought that you might like to hear my perspective of working on the front line in the evenings.
Don't get me started on when we go down to 'help' short loan shelve their books, but they just sit there at watch us do it as though we are some sub-employee of them. Should both members perhaps be shelving. Would be way faster.
C. Alex de Freitas
I should point out that as I write, ***** is almost 1.5 hours late - as always. I have the dilemma of calling up the L0 person to watch the desk as I go to cover the short loan break. It's all good though. When ***** gets here he will simply go out the back and play on the web and talk on the phone and leave me to the customers and paper run and shelving later on. Perhaps I should be the supervisor, and him the Commons Attendant, seeing that I am the one out here anyway.

Binaries

2007-08-08T21:36:00.001+12:00

Binaries:

Hot | Cold
Hard | Soft
Public | Private
Danger | Safety
ROLLS SADDLE | ROLLS SADDLE!
For those of you who don't care about bike parts at all (all of you probably). These seats are classics. Have been for years. They are finished with GOLD. I have a White one, and now a Black one too! That's them above, just chilling in the dim light. Speaking of dim light, I really like this angle for some reason. New Saddle. New Tire. One sexy behind :-)
Yeah probably lots more to say. Admittedly I'm doing one of these non-blog periods again.
Today was cool though. Mondays and Tuesdays are right offs cause they are so busy, so come Wednesday I am just trying to ease myself back into working routine. Today was difficult as I'm starting a new section. I had to pull out all the books again to refresh myself. Need to write tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Tomorrow is also the day where I have to stand up in front of a class of (i think) hundreds of students. Eek. Fingers crossed for knowing what I'm talking about.

Public Transport Escapades.
Today at rush hour I took the train to Meadowbank and rode to a house on remuera road, or at least somewhere near there. To pick up the black seat. Anyways. Trains. Bikes. Packed full of straight faced commuters. It was fun. I made sure to smile at them - as I munched on my Burger King which everyone looked at me like I was a homeless person scoffing down my first meal in days. Yeah, the not shaving for weeks and fingerless gloves probably didn't help either.

Ok, I'm sure there is more. Perhaps not. Coralee is off to Hawaii next holidays. I'm preoccupied with dissertation for the next forever. No progress on the Wedding front. Cars? Florists? ...Don't worry...your thankyou card for the engagement present is on its way soon. Honestly.

So that brings us to tonight. Coralee is sleeping from some crazy hour like 7pm. Home, and out of the clothes that I have been wearing for 3.5days straight. Maybe even 4! I can't speak highly enough of DOVE deodorant :-)

Onto the computer. I can not even use the computer without glasses anymore unless the screen is right in my face. A sad day for eyesight. Mental note: I need more contacts.

Skulling 1L of Just Juice (the only food I have around)
Moving next weekend. Sweet deals. Will live closer (slightly) to a supermarket)
Good for 3am health food binges I guess.
As opposed to 3am KFC binges!
Sorting washing
Ordering bike parts
New bike is ALMOSt together., Not many pieces to go.

hmm. NEw virus protection for the computer and off to bed.

Love you lots.
(I really do)
We'll miss you Amy
Don't worry. Coralee will be there soon.

XO

2:30am

2007-07-27T02:07:00.000+12:00

It's been a while. It's early morning. Finished work at midnight. Two weeks into semester. Spent two weeks staring at a blank screen. Tomorrow something has to be put to paper. Anything. I just felt like I should touch base. Leaving weeks empty is bad. SO much. Since I last wrote so many moments have passed when I wanted to get here to write. But I never make it on time. And the feeling has passed. Same tonight. I should have just gone to bed. But instead I am here. Writing now because I didn't write 30mins ago when I had something to say.
Heavy semester ahead. Not a lot of work. But feeling a lot of weight on the shoulders if you ever get that. I live with that, everyday.

Well if you were reading this to catch up on my life.
Wedding plans are swell. Jan 12th
Carless life is choice.
Apart from today because I left my bike at school because I had no lights and didnt want to die.
Planning for next year is fun
I think we will end up doing something good.
Not what we/you/they expect.
Not wise
but whatever.
we are young
and tell me that the wrong decision is not always the most fun/challenging/character building/works out best in the end anyways.

Hmm fill the space
I want to see simpsons movie
I still want the N95
I should really go to bed
5 hours til my wake up call from coralee.

Man. oK, goal to try and stay positive this semester.
Expect one blog per week at least.
Hold me to that
I will try my bset to make them happy blogs

All will be tested tomorrow though. Depending on whether I write 2000 words or not

Love

Holidays, Snow babies, Snow, Babies.

2007-07-09T23:52:00.000+12:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/89576133@N00/sets/72157600729012111/show/

bl..

2007-06-25T13:26:00.000+12:00

so post exam daze is officially a new emotion of mine. last exam over.
what was I even writing!?
it doesn't matter though.
It's done.

It's funny when people say "well at least you're on holiday now". Ha, preparing courses for next semester and beginning dissertation. Holiday. Yay!

so not going on the computer again (until tonight when i work) for a while!

Alex

...and

2007-06-24T17:13:00.000+12:00

And, in response to new tattoo thought process, I thought y'all should know that I'm booked in to see Dean Sacred in like three whole months time. He has the most massive wait period...but it will be worth it. Buildings on your arms!? People kissing? He who objects should feel free to speak up now, or forever live with the consequences of my actions.

And for those who worry about my other obsession, fear not...because i put one of my rides on trademe to lighten my footprint of 'stuff' that I am littering the earth with (and can't fit into my bedroom).

Oh man, the things I do just to avoid study. It's, what, like 5:20 now. So getting back to it yo.

why am i

2007-06-24T17:08:00.001+12:00

why am I this bad at staying on task? Exam is tomorrow and I can't keep my mind on studying or reading for more than 3 minutes at a time!

Its 5pm..lets see, so that makes my exam in less than 15hours! thats crazy..and i haven't even decided on the topics that I will be writing on...let alone begun study for them.

It most definitely is a shock to the system having another exam after pretty much being on holiday mode. Why am i not more on task. more worried!? Exam is worth 60%. oh well, I've done this so many times before.

you know what...when i think about it...i kinda like the adrenalin, or whatever this is.
like it in a totally hate it uncomfortable frog in my throat kind of way.

scared
Alex

I Have a Disease

2007-06-23T16:04:00.001+12:00

I have a disease. I CAN'T study. No matter how hard I try. Exam is less than two days away. All I can think about is when i get to ride my mashed up bike with new rims. I combined the best aspect of all the bikes I have to come up with it.

Seriously.
I know that you hate seeing bikes up here.
It's my disease.
I need your help!

Alex

My day by Alex de Freitas

2007-06-19T19:29:00.000+12:00

My day by Alex de Freitas
Today I was tired and over study because I had done lots of work the day before. Coralee tried to wake me up by calling, but she was unsuccessful. Instead, I slept and ignored every noise around me until 11:30am....ok, it was actually midday!

I looked at my list of things to do, and following a big bowl overflowing with cornflakes and some crap muesli that I had to fill it up I hit the road.

Coralee took a photo of me for me ('cause I winged about never having photos of myself) and I went to by millions of stamps to post the engagement party invites (which you can view here). Don't worry though, I only had to lick 6 stamps...because the rest were sticker ones. Six was enough though. I had to go buy a grape soda to get the taste out of my mouth.

My bag was all loaded up with a wheel...the next job for the day. Josca at adventure cycles in Parnell kindly helped my wheel get back into shape after my crash on friday night from trying to show off.
I stopped on a bridge and spent a moment cooling off and being glad that I didnt have to be driving a car down there. I can go wherever I want on my bike. Today a dude beeped at me for riding up the wrong side of the road :-)...haha. well I went back around and said whats up to him through his window...he didnt have much to say....perhaps he was just jealous that he couldn't drive his car that way down the street.

I am a bit of a spender, so I ended up coming home with a hoard of stuff from various bike stores. A new campagnolo cap for me. What?...my red bike has campy all over it - I'm allowed to wear it. Also got some new tires for the red bike that will hopefully skib better and some choice long black grips for my black bike. See, here's the choice grips.
After that I had to find out where Mitre10 had moved to, and I cycled up and along ponsonby road and back down williamson ave only to find that Mitre10 has moved to just behind my house. But I did discover that williamson ave is the sweetest long easy downhill cruise. Next time I ride with coralee I will definately take her down that way. Downhills on coaster bikes are fun. I wore my campy hat with the peak up to feel like a bike nerd.

At Mitre10 I got some spraypaint for my next task. I was motivated by some of the Skull boys to spray my rims where they were silver to make a badass deep V looking rim. It looks mean...but I am a useless spraypainter. So i put way too much and it got all globby and smudged when I put on the tire...I was a little to impatient waiting for it to dry I think. Anyways. I used the opportunity of having batteries in the camera to snap the rest of the stable.

that leads me to now. I remembered I had work and caught the bus in because I was all ridden out for today. I uploaded all my new pictures to Velospace....thats like Myspace, but for bikes :-)

you can see my Velospace page here.

Choice. What a way to spend a day. It always feels unusual not to be sitting at my desk at uni on a weekday.

Four Photos

2007-06-18T19:35:00.001+12:00

Stole these images from Skull Bike Club's blog. Check it out here. There were heaps. But these appealed to me cause, for the most part, they have me in them!

Was cool to meet up with some like minded bikes....and get jealous over all the cool gears that everyone is rolling.

.

2007-06-18T19:35:00.000+12:00

It is perhaps the perfect temperature for riding. I don't even get a sweat on :-)
I even need some gloves to stop me from freezing.

Lots to update. None of which I will do here. Proposal is handed in. One exam to go. Then wanaka, then a whole bunch of planning for next semester tutoring then back into it! Dissertation.

Not that I'm particulalry proud of it, or whatever. But here is what I spent the last three days slaving over....and some time earlier in the semester too.

check it out if you want to know kind of what im trying to get my head around for dissertation and maybe even masters thesis if all goes well.

My Research Proposal: Research_Proposal_2007.pdf

Ok., out. off to read blogs...hit trade me and generally just kill time until midnight.

xo

Are you kidding me with this

2007-06-13T01:05:00.000+12:00

How on earth is Supre allowed to sell stuff like this. Their typical customer is the impressionable 15 year old girl. "No 'P' Sucks"! Are you as surprised as me.

Oh yeah, and there's me in my travels in the reflection. Waiting for the bus.
The bus has been screening the transformers movie trailer lately on a big loop. I cant wait man. It looks just soo rad. The transformers have the most wicked human-like movenments! badass!.

2007-06-12T00:35:00.001+12:00

2007-06-11T23:32:00.000+12:00

Eyes are struggling to stay open. Its after 11:30pm. Just the first of my two midnights to begin the week. Feels as though my week doesn't truly begin until wednesday morning once I have slept off my two late nights. Work to do, but it's managable, and the end is within sight. Didn't need that Subway, but figured I needed something to call dinner.

Afternoon movies are fun. Just walking down the street together is fun aye.
I increasingly appreciate the times when I can just be without any worry of stuff to do, people to see or places to go.

Fixed gear bikes pass many of my evening hours online
Probably way too much internet credit too.
Looking forward to the ride home as always.
Off to turn off computers, like hundreds of them. Click click. Click click. Click click....you press the button twice to shut it down you see.

Yeah, I know. what was the point.
Alex

I have, I want

2007-06-11T08:51:00.000+12:00

I have:I want:...so bad :-)

Convenient timing to be hyped eh, just before the iPhone's release. Man, I love my phone...but I cant wait til one of these is within my reach.

(hey....its not often lately when I let my inner consuming desire to slip - give a kid a break)

Alex

Post-exam daze

2007-06-07T19:52:00.000+12:00

Post exam walking through Albert park felt like I was somewhere else.
My breath condensed. I love that. The crisp winter air.
It was kind of misty and just on dusk. I may as well have been in Stanley Park, Vancouver, or Central Park, NY.
Exam was a shock to the system. I'm not sure if it was the lack of preparation, but it was most definitely the tiredness. Isn't that an awesome feeling how you can come out so exhausted from just sitting and writing for two hours. Don't think it went particularly well. We'll have to see. The beauty about exams is there is nothing that you can do once it has been. So just have to move on.
Next exam in one day's time. Trying to pick topics now and realising that I really know nothing about any of the potential topics. Forced to read to forget. You know. Read up for the exam then lose it all again.

This semester has so not even nearly ended. Exam - 40% Proposal - Exam to go. Frick.

Oh yeah, Albert park was eerily unfamiliar. Especially on the walk back in the dark, no lights made it pitch black. Lucky for me that I don't have a problem with going anywhere in this city at any time of day/night. Cause it was hard to see where to step. Let alone who else was around. Drunk people in the band rotunda. Queen street was too. Roadworks make that street a different place. Instead of navigating the regular sidewalk we are directed new ways. It was nice to have a change. I like waking in the rain with my hood so far over my head I can barely see out (necessary for keeping rain off the glasses). JB HiFi is choice too. It was like stepping into American stores. Apparently they plan on systematically taking over our suburban landscape with their bright yellow stores. That's cool with me. They have the most punk rock of any record store I know bar Groovy. Plus, they call it the EMO/Punk section. Haha.

Post-exam daze had evolved into pre-exam daze/confusion. Tomorrow will need to be a concerted effort so as to not repeat today's performance.

Twirling rather than thinking. Confused. Scared. Nervous. Kind of excited. Glad it's all (slowly) coming to an end. Only four more exams to go in my entire university history I hope.

xo

Rain

2007-06-06T00:27:00.000+12:00

Its 1230am. Rode home in a downpour.
Beginning to love the winter rain. The chilled air that prevents my cheeks from breaking into a sweat.

In the night. I own the road.

Becoming a favorite pastime of mine to ride with the iPod. I used to prefer to hear the action around me. Now I like the soundtrack.
Two nights in a row it has been charging home to hardcore tunes.
The city is a different place by bike.
And music takes you wherever.

Awesome
Tired
Sore Throat
Pouring rain.
Waiting for the shower once again at almost 1am.
Eating wicked Valentino's Gelato

Stoked though.
On riding
On love
on where we are

Exams in like 24 hours though
Frick

Yeah, point of blog. Riding in rain to hardcore is rad. I have been loving it.

Alex

New Tattoo Thought Process

2007-06-05T12:57:00.001+12:00

Buildings?! on your arm? why would you want to get that.
Well I am a strong believer in you doing your own research on whatever it is you are trying yo understand. It's important to form your own perspectives on things, by reading stuff critically. Make up your own mind. I'm sure that's what our brains are for. Well, that's why im here at uni, rather than selling houses (because we all know that I am a great sales(con)man. Selling stuf is all about deception. I was telling Coralee the other day. There is no such thing as a genuine salesperson, because they have to sell you something for more than it's worth so that they themselves can turn a profit. Anyways. where was I . stopping mid write to reply to texts.
aah. lunch with toby and til. what a great way to further put off study. Yet to start and exam is a day and a half.

Tattoos. So quickly. I wont brief you on my fascination with the city and people living in close proximity to one another. Rooftop gardens. Back alleyways and winding fire escapes.

Came across the artist Frans Masereel recently. Google him yourself.
He was a great social critic. Expressing his views through paintings, and most notably, wood carvings/ etchings/ cuttings whatever you want to call them.

He developed themes in his work like the world driven crazy, the indifferent authorities, and the little man who always has to pay the bill, as worker or as soldier. A kind of left wing pacifist artist.

I later realized that his woodcuttings are actually the illustrations in marx and engels communist manifesto.

Anyways. This cutting appreals to me.He has done hundreds of cuttings of the industrial city. the fragmentation, isolation, romance, connectivity etc.

So that's where im at. And racing off to lunch.

Buildings on my arm you say. I want a tattoo based on the themes that I see represented in this cutting (here's where you don't steal my idea).
The city, danger, love, passion, connection, seperation, darkness, light, complex and simple. But above all, where we all live and have to try and find ways of getting along and using what resources we have.

something like that anyways.
What you think now?

2007-05-31T23:46:00.001+12:00

crippling debt crippling debt crippling debt

opened the latest student loan statement. My loan is 30,000! not including what i have borrowed this year which is probably about 6000 so far! I just feel like dying when i think of that kind of money. how on earth is this mean to be a good thing.
it sucks. because I have such a great time at school with all my peers. you just forget about what it is costing to live, study, eat, clothe and feed myself to be there.

bike broke for the millionth time
i wish i was a wheelbuilder. the spokes keep snapping. its not mmy fault.
its freezing in bed
took like a three bus ride home.
did you know that there are no trains out of the city after like 945. well i was there at 945 and there was no trains,

you can install all the flash benches and palm trees that you want...but you will never be a world class city until people can get there when they want to.,

loans will kill me...ive said it befiore and i will say it again. I dont care about the money...i dont care if i owe the IRD money forever and lots of it...
but i care how others feel. and that i might be letting others down by having such a debt.
imagine that
a wedding costs a lot...but not even half of what i owe.

frick
i hate this
\
school is busy
things are suck

A+ for an essay though
almost through the semester1
exams and stiff next week

hardest week of my academic career. seriously.
its midnight. im going to lie in bed wide awake all night
x

from past weeks

2007-05-31T23:42:00.001+12:00

12:45am

2007-05-16T00:33:00.000+12:00

You wouldn't believe it, but i've gotten used to queuing for a shower in this house at 1 in the morning! Got caught in a wicked downpour on the ride home. I was on the sketchy bike to start with, and I had NO lights. So add to that slimy pavement and glasses that become useless in heavy rain!...it was super sketchy. But enjoyable nonetheless. There is something liberating about riding. I wont get into all the hype that most proponents of cycling will give you...even though I happen to like the mission statement of Bicycle Fixation. But Toby is so right, it's nice just to be constantly moving. Even red lights can't hold me back now!...but if they do (especially on a fixed gear), I still just ride around in circles in front of the lines of traffic, playfully teasing them that I am out enjoying the Auckland air whilst they breath dry aircon in their Audi!

Oh, speaking of Toby. We were at Wendy's for dinner as we all too often are, bikes parked up against the window like normal. I looked around...and my bike was GONE!
Now of course it would be my bike and not Toby's. Anyways, so I bolt out towards the street and scan the horizon to no avail. My bike was GONE. My baby. Not the geared one...not the junk one...the precious one i spend all night lovingly modifying!

Toby and I unsuccessfully searched town for half an hour, and I kept searching on tobys bike once he had left. Just as I was about to give up (I checked all the regular sketchy people hangouts), I come across a rough looking street thug kinda guy trying rather awkwardly to get onto my bike and in the clips.

Well he must have seen my tattoos (haha. ) ( and i stood extra puffed up and tall!), cause he put on a very polite tone and totally denied ever taking my bike from wendy's. I was just stoked to have it back and I tried to get him to admit that he took it, because I explained to him it was really important to me that I knew that the bike hadnt been dropped or scratched or anything.
Well he lied a lot, but he was a struggling little man so i offered to buy him a coke to say thanks. After I convinced him it was cool ( I do that a bit) we went and got our sodas and i shook his hand and went on my way...he called me back and advised me that if i was to go up to the trash can where i found him i might find my spoke cards in the bin!...haha so I got him to lead me there and show me which can I had to stick my hands in. All the time I was trying tot get him to assure me my bike wasnt dropped, and all the time he denied taking it from wendy's. opting for a story where he picked it from the street nearby. After I paused and eyed him up for a second, ...he also pulled my bandanna out of his back pocket. Concocting another rubbish tale of why he took it off.

Anyway. I am happy that I got my bike back. And stoked at my little adventure. And reminded that locking bikes is a good idea.

Ok, its one am and now there is free bathroom I think.
House is dead as Steve and Lois have migrated North to Washington State for the Winter. An endless summer is definatley how i want to spend my golden years.

They left a BIG HUNK

on the table! which im sure was not ALL intended for me..however I quickly devoured it all!. Coralee, seriously!...first thing we get when we get to California......oh, no maybe after In and Out Burger......or double stuff oreos...oh yumm

anyway, itchy head from too long without showers. going to rectify the problem
night.

Autumn Leaves, Hacksaws and Handlebar Upgrades

2007-05-13T22:43:00.000+12:00

Too many essays to blink. Always enough time to work all night hacksawing riser bars. The black bike is sketchy. Riding it is like trusting an empty coke can with all of my weight (a lot!). Red bike is rusty in parts...but rides like a cloud :-)

Back when I can find time. All graduated now. No photos really turned out well. Moms professional camera not so professional now eh.

Oh man, how much do those trees on Symonds St remind me of Toronto Fall.
We get like 3 weeks when it's like this. Remember it.
Alex

Music Sweet Music

2007-05-10T11:03:00.000+12:00

Quick stop between marking students' lab papers.
Coralee has had my ipod for a while.
tried riding with it this morning. But i prefer the sound of the wind and the outside.
...plus... i can hear the car horns that way to prevent me from dying.

i did get a helmet though. Another story.

Put in the earbuds halfway through marking and I had one of those moments.
Where I get all butterflies in my stomach. My favourite moments.

I seem to go months without my ipod. my music. but when i return to it it has always been a special occasion.

Sherwood's Sing, but Keep Going record was my favourite ever for some time.
Now it must be Sherwood's A Different Light.

'The Only Song' was just what I needed.
listen to it. Don't. Whatever.

The music makes me cry on the inside. And it's good.

In love with music again.
toby, we need a drummer.

Love and Butterflies

And then there were two

2007-05-05T09:37:00.000+12:00

New Bike Day!!!

The before shot:...and After one (all) night of scrubbing and wrenching:

Got that steel frame that I have been lusting for. Not exactly sure yet. But I think it's a 1970's Legnano Track bike. Vould be late 60's. Anyway. Got it pretty much like it is now but adorned with fenders, freewheel, ugly road bars, brakes and stem. Stripped her down. Steel wool on the rusty chrome and off to adventure cycles to put together the pieces I don't have the tools for. The red tires were my only purchase. A gift for the bike. I also have the original chrome track fork which would just complete it, but I'm gonna need to get Josca or someone to give me a hand putting in a longer axle up front.

Beautiful seat clamp bolt under the toptube! Campagnolo cranks, rings etc. My new MKS Sylvan track pedals. Nice Alex DA22 rims. Suzue Hubs from Japan. Sweet free seat. Cinelli stem and bars. I like it a lot.

Tightened the cog and lockring on with the vice like I found worked on the other bike and little skips and skids have been ok with no slippage so far. Chain got a bit looser and i think the rear axle slipped forward a bit....but i torqued it down...and I have a chain tensioner that I can fit on if need be.

She is so soft and smooth to ride. The exact opposite of the stiff harsh aluminum. I like both, for different reasons. Off to work and breakfast. Just felt the need to document the new ride in case (dear i say it) something ever happen to her.

As a matter of documenting the bikes, I will try repost when changes, upgrades are made...
...I was SOO close the other day to putting some riser bars with white BMX grips on my Raceline bike...I just loved my bar-end lights too much to change them.

Off to school
Alex

(Coralee posts here) [EDIT: removed link 08/05/07]

2007-05-03T12:33:00.000+12:00

Was going to post here. But still too wound up from posting here.
Coralee posts here [EDIT: removed link 8/05/07] now. Will link to it here when I get a free moment.
Going outside to pace up and down to blow off steam.

Just wanted to say here one more time :-)

Alex

Revelation

2007-04-24T13:57:00.000+12:00

So here I am at the university. Back from a holidays of doing virtually no work at all. Monday was to be my fresh start day, however, I lost my folder containing all of my work for all of my subjects up until this point! Spent Monday sulking. Midnight shift and into bed by 2am (after my daily web browse). Today I'm up and manage to pop my bike tire before I even leave the house. Quick trip to the bike store for a new tube reminds me why I have vowed never to return there. Will have to use R&R for my bike guys now. Cyco are just rude, unfriendly, and not too helpful at all really. It sucks, cause they [Cyco] really were my LBS (local bike store), just up the road.

Anyways, where are we going. Oh yeah, revelations. Well I have finally gotten underway with my research for one (of my FOUR) essays that are due soon, and I am actually really enjoying it. I love reading things (when they are relevant) and planning what I will argue and how thoughtful my argument will make me sound :-)

I love going to lectures and thinking stuff through and being so perplexed that others can't see something the same way that I so plainly see it!.

Yeah, but the revelation was, that as much as I enjoy this (which evidently I stopped to come here to write), I still enjoy other things more. I am getting such pleasure from riding my bike at the moment that I would rather do this than anything else. I just want to log out of this computer and go do some laps of town, maybe stop for a pearl tea or two. I am beginning to dial in my bike really nice too.

It's like surfing too I guess. How when there's waves you just go. Drop whatever is on and drive. Well the bike at the moment is the same deal. I just can't keep off of it.

So yeah. Really loving research. Even if I have only just begun today. But loving other things more is just making things hard to commit time to.

Gotta go Ride
alex

Overflowing gutters

2007-04-17T01:08:00.000+12:00

wow. I'm glad I made it home before this downpour. worked til midnight. It's monday and I haven't started my work as I said I would. But I am having a great holiday at least. Hamish's stag on the weekend. Wedding on thursday. Gonna be cool seeing how the wedding goes as I've only ever been to one other. Always learning stuff for out wedding plans. Really am multitasking on the computer right now. Updating new music. Reading news, blogging. You ave one third of my energy.

It is 1:11am as I write this line. My bike's cog came a little loose so I walked it home. Man and as soon as I walked in the door it started to pour. I love the rain. And it is sweet for skidding my new bike.

Ok, where was I.

Oh yeah. Listening to Avril. Thought of Coralee. This photo is warm. It makes me want to get off of here and go climb into my duvet.

Night

2007-04-12T17:49:00.000+12:00

Quick post before mom and coralee arrive and we go out for dinner.
Lots to catch up on. Not much of which will be talked about here now. It's holidays and after a sweet weekend away at Colville with Alyssa, Coralee and Dave, I had planned on getting right to the task at hand, four projects due in six weeks...all of which haven't been started yet. But it turns out I have just been taking a few extra days off. Its nice though. Efforts today to make it into uni were hampered by the torrential rain and hurricane force winds! I love this weather. Especially when I am snuggled up in the couch (in my camo slippers!).

So anyway. It is worth pointing out at this stage that I love Coralee more than the Internet and Fixed Gear Bikes!. In fact, I love her more than both of these things put together.

Here is a random pic of my old bike (below). Sorry not my old bike, just my other bike, my commuter. Yes, it is posed complete with do-rag (bandana ), basket for my schoolbag, and in front of a ghetto wall!But here is my favorite part. My new bike that I have been sitting on for a few weeks. Got it from Trademe but had to wait for a lower gear cog from ebay. It came! I took it for a spin! Fun.

Fixed gear is the raddest. So stoked I finally have a bike.
Don't laugh. I just had to put some spoke cards in right away. I started with just Batman. But how could I put batman without my other favourite things. The Black Pearl and Optimus Prime. I hope im not frowned upon. I don't think we even have messenger races here. So im pretty sure im safe.

in other news. capitalisation has apparently been thrown out the window!. But really. We have settled on a wedding date finally. And planning is well underway. There is a lot of planning as I have quickly realised :-)

COralee is here. Gots to go. Hopefully she will post soon as Vania commented. Surely there is lots to update you on stuff. Being engaged for example :-)

Out

PS: isn't she pretty (the bike that is)
PPS: yes Coralee, I think you are pretty too. Prettier, even!

Two Wheels

2007-03-26T08:43:00.000+12:00

On friday night Coralee and I went for our first urban bike ride together. Riding around the city has become a favourite passtime of mine and I was stoked when we could finally do it together. I made a sweet video on windows movie maker and tried to upload it to here, but my movie maker refuses to save the final file to my computer. No memory or some lame excuse like that. I think the movie I made was just way too complicated.

Anyways. I hope that I can share future attempts at movie making on here with y'all, cause it was so cool cutting action shots of us riding in the city, and putting cool soundtracks etc.

At uni
monday morning
Just RODE to work with Coralee.
Still sick.
thesis to review.
seeya

connectivity

2007-03-21T17:18:00.000+12:00

Oh man. Just have been researching for dissertation, and by means of following a massive trail of links (one of my favourite procrastination pastimes) managed to stumble across a computer bloggers photo gallery which had, among other things, some photos that he had taken in New York City. Man. Oh man. Howcome I am so so so attracted to that place. I see the photos and read the stories and just want to be there. The steel structures propping up the railway line above Brooklyn - straight out of Spiderman. The building that have stood the same for hundreds of years. Just their signs, and inhabitants changing. Take me there. Oh the romance. Oh how awesome it would be.

Oh Madame New York how I hope/long to be in your arms soon.

Alex

1am

2007-03-20T00:51:00.000+12:00

They're back... the swirls. Tonight, on the first of my two consecutive midnight shifts I just really felt dizzy. I sat down. The drive home. Still. You know the days where it all just seems too overwhelming. Thinking about what I need to read for tomorrow. What I should be reading for next class. What I will do for dissertation. How about those essays approaching. It all feels so heavy. Good news is that I've been here before. And that means it passes and it gets good again.

I wanted to drive over and just fit into your arms.
But I'm here dizzy instead
At least you will get some sleep :-)

Here is the first photo that we took this weekend after she said "YES".

See. It gets good!

I love her with everything that I have. Seriously, I will be the happiest anyone can ever be spending every single day of the rest of my life with her. She makes me melt. Gives me butterflies. Constantly.

Listening to Good Charlotte is a pleasant change.
New music is refreshing like a 'bomb' in the 'lake'
Sherwood, Higher, Avril(!), etc.

So in sum, it sucks. I haven't felt this thing since, lets see, oh yeah, ...last semester.
funny that. The love hate thing.

Ever get the feeling that you don't have the time to catch up on your recreation, the movies, the culture, music, tv shows...let alone the work that you have to do.

Ending this in a state of disorder, loose end - just like I am. Now.
New tattoo.
Explanation to follow. It's for Her. And Home. And safety.

x

Fall Out Boy is soon!

2007-02-27T23:33:00.000+13:00

I'm am quietly excited that I get to see the Fall Out Boys soon. I am sure that Coralee is not just quietly excited :-)

I posted something over at Imagining the City. Check it. I say 'something' as it was literally something since I haven't written there in over two months! More will come. This year the challenge is to refine all of the ideas that I have in my mind. I am too excited about too many issues. I don't know which what way to study, read, research.

New tattoo tomorrow. Well new drawing of one at least. Only will let it go on me if it is perfect! But you know how perfectionist I am. I would never have anything but the best.

Ask Coralee about her bike. Haha. I won't stop until it is perfect....I just don't get how other people are not at fussy, tidy, seem to care about 'it' as much as me. You know the feeling?

Well Coralee is on camp. And as much as you hate to hear the soppy stuff - I really do miss her.
We are like best pals...partners in crime...everything for that matter.

Some people hate it - that I spend every single moment that I can with her...well I can't help it....really.

work is almost time to close at midnight. gotta go turn of three hundred computers...then bike my way home. Ponsonby road is fast! I love it..and at midnight I have the entire two lanes to weave and hoot as I please.

Get Biking.
Love from Alex.

Just calling in to say that...

2007-02-19T11:27:00.000+13:00

I am a Gmail addict!

Do you ever

2007-02-19T09:37:00.000+13:00

wonder what It would be like to be doing something that you aren't doing now. Like a different career path, or living somewhere different - or something. It feels as though there are so many things, possibilities, opportunities, adventures to be had - and just this one short lifetime to do it. Sometimes, like this morning (as I was clicking my way accross the web), I drift myself away into thinking about that stuff. Where I want to be, who I want to be working with etc. this will be one of those blah's that doesn't make sense. But if I said that I wanted to move to Hollywood and be a PA to a star - you would probably laugh. Or If I wanted to work...

...Paul from church just called - we have scrapped the idea of a worship band for the immediate future - which I think is just the most radest (raddest?) idea. I am not one little bit disappointed about not playing worship. the things I love about our church are the ways we try to challenge the conventional (well, conventional to me) ways of worshipping and understanding God etc. Changing the seating, whilst it makes people a little more incomfortable, It makes us think about how we are communicating with God - He is not necessarily at the front of the church, for example - nor is He 'upwards'. Haha.

...Where was I. Dreaming. I see. We are the Dream - FOB - so true. I guess I just feel as though so many things are possible - I know that if I wanted to move to mexico and impliment a new public transport system that I could find a way. Just as I know that I could quite easily find my way to Los Angeles and be a latte fetcher for whoever movie star.

Sometimes i just want to run, again. Further this time. Each time is like a practice for the next. How far can you go. How long can you disappear for. The prospect of two years more study is daunting. Especially when I have proved to myself in the past that a degree is not (all) of what it takes to get a job, into the door, etc.

But then I remember about the long-term. the life after 30. and how beneficial a house, a MA, a whatever will be.

So I stay. Not because I have to...but because I remember that when I do run - that this is what I wanted to do.

And not am I concerned or second thought'ing my study - I love, and would happily be here for life. Hopefully perhaps. Just dreaming I guess.

In other news - exciting is the fact that my hair has grown back enough to make it not 'shaved' :-)

And my short two hour morning shift is almost over.

One week to go to finish this research report. At least, to finish the summary. Summarising what is yet to be written will be interesting.

Love.

The Following

2007-02-01T13:28:00.000+13:00

probably won't make sense to you - but I noted it down on my phone on mon 29 Jan 07. If it makes sense to you. Or you have ever felt that - then cool.

The city lights make it look so alive, even though it's really sleeping at 4am

Research trip to Wellington was a huge success. I have spent the morning tallying reciepts and hoping that they all get reimbursed sweet. I know blogging needs to be regular. Like daily. Or at least every two days. But summer has proved to be a drought. I never tend to blog around essay due dates...and this research has been a little like an essay without any due date; always thinking about it - should I be doing that now?...the answer to that question is most probably, 'yes!'.

I had something to say at Imagining the City, but I have lost it. Hmm. Oh yeah. It was about Wellington. Magical Wellington!

I had an amazing time in Wellington and I can't wait to write about why. Electrified busses, compact little city, cyclists, and just the extreme topography...soo different to our Auckland.
I was just waiting for the place I was staying in to lift off of its foundations and blow down the cliff into Island Bay.

Well there are notes to record...and coffee to be had with Mom :-)

Someone convince me that I should stay put and not borrow the $150 each week from the government this year...something that I am increasingly seeing as nothing other than financial suicide for later on in my life.

What's the use of a super duper masters degree....if you spent $50,000 getting there. I would have been better off making coffee straight after high school. Or selling clothes :-)

Love
Alex

Sleep

2007-01-28T00:24:00.000+13:00

Why is it that I need at least 9 or 10 hours sleep a night in order to not be tired the next day? I find it very easy to sleep 12 or more hours a night without waking up.
Is this normal?
I am very conscious that people think that I am just lazy in the mornings but I am honestly just really tired. I truely believe that my body needs more sleep than most people. I do not know why this is so. When I was younger I thought this was because I was growing taller at a fast rate (as I am quite tall for a girl) and that my body needed rest for cell division to take place... but no, im not growing any more (well I hope not) and I still need so much sleep!

I do enjoy sleeping though. Its so nice and relaxing. I would way rather sleep than read a book or even watch T.V.

Why is it that I feel like society looks down on people who sleep in in the mornings like they are wasting the day away? I really do try my hardest to wake up in the mornings!
Personally I would way rather go to bed late at night and wake up late in the morning instead of going to bed early and waking up early. I personally think there is just so much more to be awake for in the evenings than in the morning- such as hanging out with friends, going out for dinner, watching movies etc. I think I am a night owl....I love my evenings, and mixed with my excessive need for sleep, I have very rarely been awake for what Im sure were very beautiful mornings this summer.
If I could mix it up... go to bed late and get up early, I would! I just cant handle it.
so there. Please dont judge me.

I AM NOT LAZY! .....just a tired girl who needs her sleep.

back to the real world

2007-01-11T16:25:00.000+13:00

holidays are over, and it's back to the real world. I'm almost 23...but that's not why I am here.
Recently I blogged about my tattoos. Well I had never come across Ella Wheeler Wilcox before, but I shall tell you something about her now.

She is a poet who you can read about here, or here.

Anyways. When I was dreaming up my ship tattoo, this poem she wrote is exactly why I wanted my tattoo. I cannot explain to you how amazed I was when I found that such a work existed.
Below is the entire poem, which I gather was written some time in the early 20th century.

THE WINDS OF FATE

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the self-same winds that blow;
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
That tells them the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate
As we voyage along through life;
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal
And not the calm or the strife.

I might have to add that to the tattoo's tab here.
Back at uni. Research. Slow. Escape to the beach. East coast swell is finally here. Clear my schedule. We're goin' surfing!

The view from here

2006-12-18T14:50:00.000+13:00

Look what else was in the news today! Nasa astronauts fixing the space station with our country 400km below them. That's so cool. Haha, don't let go little guy. Feh feh.

Tattoos

2006-12-18T11:46:00.000+13:00

Sometimes. No, quite often I get asked about what my tattoos mean.
They each mean a number of things to me, and most of the time I can't be bothered explaining this. I fear that by not explaining every single meaning, that I will not be properly doing them any justice.

In fact, chances are if you have asked me what they mean I might have just said that I really like sailing...or that I think roses and birds are pretty.
Upon seeing my revolver belt buckle, one guy even asked me if i was just a big Guns'n'Roses fan!..I just said yes.
I wasn't even old enough to like music when they were a band.

Nevertheless, if you are reading this, you need to know the fundamental meanings of my tattoos. Though they have a number of significances - these are the main ones.

My left arm has some writing that has been taken straight from a translation of the Bible, the New Living Translation, around it is a rose and its green vines. Steve Wood did the artwork - at Talisman Tattoo in Te Atatu, Auckland, NZ.

New Living Translation - John Chapter 15 Verse 13
"There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends "

In the chapter, Jesus is speaking to his disciples. He talks about himself being the vine, and us its branches. If we remain in him we will bear the good fruit :-) and then goes on to tell us about love, and Gods love for us, and then that there is no greater love than to lay down ones life for his friends.

For me, it is about selflessness. A reminder of Jesus' death on the cross for me and what that means. Forgiveness. To put others before myself. The rose and vines were a later addition to the tattoo. The vines are Jesus, the branches are me and you, and the rose is a symbol of the purest love - no greater.

My right arm has a large tall ship on it, a clipper ship I reckon. Although it is not from any particular time period, it is wooden hulled and I like to think that it predates the 20th Century. It is in full sail, and is sailing east in light blue skies, away from the bats, and towards the rising sun and some soaring seagulls. Dean Sacred did the artwork at Illicit Tattoo on K'Road, Auckland, NZ.

I love ships, boats, waves, the ocean. I am fascinated by them, just as I am fascinated by clock towers, old buildings, and rooftop gardens :-)
The ship has long been a christian symbol. Sometimes it is a symbol for the church. The Bible talks of ships a number of times, most notably Noah's ark, and the ark saving Noah's family during the flood (1 Peter 3:20-21). But it also mentions them when talking about the sea of Galilee, the calming of the the storm, etc. As well as that, when Christians needed to hide their cross, the ship provided a cross in its mast. My ship is in a way, like I am wearing a cross.

But there is one verse in particular that my tattoo refers to. If John 15:13 could be called one of my 'life verses', then the other is Proverbs 3:5-6. My favourite translation is from the NIV.

New International Version - Proverbs Chapter 3 Verses 5 & 6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

The ship is me, my freedom, my blessed ability to go wherever I might feel, explore, find my way. Ships are not bound by anything. They can float from place to place as they please - stopping only when they feel. The French theorist Michel Foucault called the ship a Heterotopia par excellence. You can read about it in "Of Other Spaces" (1967).
I wear my ship because it reminds me of that verse (Prov 3:5&6). That I am not sailing alone, and He fills my sails and guides me where I need to go. A reminder of my mission, to help spread order, sense, and justice into the chaotic and disorderly world that I reside. It is a reminder of looking ahead, and trusting in something that is not necessarily visible, but is constantly there. The Wind. God.
He will make your paths straight.
Plus, ships are just awesome aye!

Psalm 139: 3 & 5
You chart the path ahead of meand tell me where to stop and rest.Every moment you know where I am...You both precede and follow me,You place your hand of blessing on my head.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too great for me to know

[EDIT:] Added on Thurs 11th Jan 2007.

I found this poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox that sums up perfectly why I wanted my ship tattoo before I even got it.

THE WINDS OF FATE
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the self-same winds that blow;
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
That tells them the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate
As we voyage along through life;
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal
And not the calm or the strife.

[EDIT:] Added Tuesday 20th March, 2007. - New Tattoo.

Behind the Ship on the back of my right arm there is now a Swallow. Like the Rose on my left arm, it was drawn and inked by Steve Wood at Talisman Tattoo in Te Atatu. Expanding on what is becoming quite the traditional/nautical theme. Deliberately I am going with a different style for each 'piece', making sure that they remain individual pictures, quite separate from each another.

In the spirit and style of Sailor Jerry I went for clean lines, and bright primary (for the most part) colours. All of my art is 'happy'. Swallow tattoos means many things. Heck, people used to get them after being in prison! - but they were originally used by sailors as a symbol of experience at sea. A swallow would be tattooed on the chest or arm after a sailor had sailed a certain distance - they might have been more valauble, or trustworthy.

Anyways, the Swallow has also been a symbol of Home, Safety, and (true) Love - and these are what mine is to me. They return home to the same place each year, and when you see a swallow, it means that you are close to land, safety from the disorder and uncertainty of the open ocean. And most of all, the swallow meets its little mating buddy, and stays with them for life. Loyalty, Love, Caring, and Pride. Yup, so that's the swallow. For Home, and for Her.

And what tattoo would be without a verse from the Good Book. Psalm 84:3 from the New International Version is in praise of the mighty God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young - a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

2006-12-18T11:16:00.000+13:00

The Herald tried to find a clairvoyant to back Mr McDavitt's experience and scientific know-how, but none would commit to predicting rain or shine for Christmas Day.

that quote above comes from this story in the Herald this morning. Haha, awesome that our national newspaper uses clairvoyants to do the weather forecasting. I know we are heading into the slow news season. But that just is an indicator of how much the paper is often just a joke. Be wary of what you read. Think for yourself. The hot tips of the day.

Two turtle doves

2006-12-16T00:46:00.000+13:00

Merry Christmas to the one person that I care about the most

seeing you smile tonight was more than I could ever want for Christmas

I mean every word that I speak

surely it is obvious to anyone that has ever met you

that you deserve nothing but the best

and I promise I will always give you everything that I have

because I love you

"And that's the way the cookie crumbles"

Dear Alex

2006-12-13T00:36:00.000+13:00

You are in Australia, Gold Coast. Just where I was a week ago. except now Im in New Zealand. Dumb that we missed each other! It would have been so rad to go down some of the slides at wet n wild together! I love that place!

So im bored. so incredibly bored. Tonight I watched Home and Away, Friends (it was the one where Ross and Rachel first hooked up), then Shortland Street, then watched some Bro Town after going to Shell to get a chocolate ice cream, and then pulled back the lazy boy to watch the movie 'The Cable Guy'. oh my goodness this is what my life is like without you here!

I thought of calling up some of my friends to hang out or catch up... but they are all either now living far away, are overseas, or are married.... yikes

It used to be so rad when you could just call your friends up and they would all just be there. I miss that. I guess its the simple things we take for granted. My life is changing rapidly and I kinda dont feel ready. Uni is over and now Im a big working girl with a full time job for next year. Sometimes I wish I could go back to high school and do it all again. it was so much fun! I miss being able to see your friends everyday and going through lifes dramas.... hhmmmm

Alex

I miss you alot

come home

and....

Coralee xox